A Message from within

'Through the first man fails, and through the later, Jesus rises!' Beautiful. This statment meant a lot to me. When I heard it last night during 'Abd el-Wahab el-Missery's lecture. In fact, the whole lecture was unbelievable beautiful and stunning. Very inspiring. Gives you billions of thoughts to ponder upon.... I feel it is a new phase in the relation, especially after the 5 hours talk we had shortly after the conversation in Marriot.

So, we need someone to fill a job in my department. A junior job. He/she will be reporting directly to me. Very few candidates applied to the job. We hardly find anyone suitable. Well, finally, after exerting tons of efforts, and sacrifice, they got me this candidate to interview. His resume looks ok. Not the great experience or relevance that I would like, but I have to hire someone. One week before the candidate came to see me for interview, he sat with the HR and another key person in the department. They briefed him on the job we are expecting him to do. They were not impressed, but they said relevant. Yesterday, he was to have an interview with me. Surprisingly he didn't show up on time. I waited in the meeting room at 10 a.m., but he didn't come. The busy woman I became recently, I was not ready to wait for him. I left after 10 minutes and asked the secretary to send him to my office if he showed up. Almost an hour later, my secretary knocked and said that M. came for int...

You are probably sleeping. I just want to tell you that you are the nearest and dearest person to my heart in this entire world. I am thankful to the fact that I found you and connected with you on such a deep level. You give me a lot more than you can ever imagine. Not only have you given me the love of my life, but you have made me search into my soul for long-awaited answers to questions that have been haunting me for quite so long. You have brought me close to my own senses. You have tuned more finely to my very own thoughts, feelings and convictions. I am so grateful to you for all you have given me. I am so grateful to you for loving me so dearly. X, whatever I say or do will never begin to tell you how much I am indebted to your love. My dearest, rest assured that there passes no second where I am not feeling so deeply in love with you. You are my life. I love you.

...I sat alone with myself. I have been for almost 3 months extensively sharing myself, my silence, my thoughts, my food, my dreams, my books, my everything. Very closely watched. Very closely watching. I miss sitting in Cilantro friday mornings reading newspapers and sipping quietly my coffee. Watching people popping in, and leaving. I miss just hanging loose. Just be with myself. Totally. Fully. Enjoying and hating my silence. Crying and laughing at my fixations, dreams, desires, disappointments. I even stopped, or lost the urge, to write. Even now, I am just attempting to write. TRYING. Not like before. I am not by any means searching for duplicate experiences. SO what happened?

The more I unveil, the more I want to unveil; the more I discover the more I want to uncover; the more I love you, the more I want to love you. My heart leaps at your remembrance, & guess how often this happens.

Started with a wondering statment about 'Wisdom' & 'Knowledge', opened to a spacious space about seeking connections between, what seemingly appears disconnected and unrelated. Place: The old coffee shop where we used to meet. US: Different. Yet... Conversation: Same energy. Same flavour. Duration: Enough for a coffee and a brownie.

So, you enter a nice romantic place, see a couple of lovers just simply dissolving in one another. Holding hands. In total embrace. Holding one another. Feeling one another breath. Total harmony. Floating spirits. Nonstop rivers of unspoken messages and feelings....... and on and on I can go. What is the first thing most people look for? A ring in either of their hands to make sure they are married, or engaged. Make sure they are acting under the legal shell. If the ring is on, then they must be seriously in love and he is not playing with her emotions, and she is not for his money or position. Simply not playing. If they are married, we immediately assume they are just a new couple. No way they would be married for too long. We play judges. We look for checkpoints. We want everything to be as we know it. We want things the way we do it. We want everyone to have strong morals because this is the right way to do things. Not sure if we are moralistic ourselves or just using morals and et...

Does living in a hypocrite society give you the right to be hypocrite? Does marrying more than one wife permissible in this Egyptian society's norm, especially that it claims its abidance with the Coran and Shari'a that permit man to take up to 4 wives? What does it follow at the end of the day, Coran or personal and social norms? Why isn't it ok to take a second wife if Allah permits it? If almost all the companions of the prophet had more than 1 wife, or this will be 'society' and 'culture norms' of the arabs at that time not applicable in our modern possessive society? Does 'Islam is a solution' is another hypocrite slogan or a sincere one? Do these people raising this slogan really know what they are advocating? Did they really investigate our society's problem and searche in Islam and found the 'Solution'? From whose perspective this solution will be? Will they allow man to marry more than one wife or won't? If yes or no, on what...

Night of destiny, some would translate it as such. Others would say, Night of power, Night of Pure Love. A sufi would actually translate the word Layla, as pure love. Mysterious night. Does this ritual or practice or whatever you call it come under 'Commonism'? Muslim Brotherhood is back with new strategy. New Look as Ahram weekly called them in its latest article. I didn't see their banners anywhere near, but I read today that their slogans are: 'Islam is the solution.' 'Together we fix life with religion.' Well, I have mixed feelings with these slogans. First impression, Which Islam? What kind of solution? Solution to what? Fix what? What does religion have to do with politics? Wait a minute, what does Politics have to do with religion? Tons of questions? Does this slogans come under 'Commonism'?

Your gift is accepted and has always been. Your gift is yourself not a book or a pen. And if I accepted your book it's for, the trace of your soul its pages bore.

'What?' I exclaimed to my friend while having Iftar at a lebanese place. He said, 'Not COMMUNISM but commonism. Comes from 'common'. Everyone just doing what is common without thinking to differ.' Interesting! I thought to myself. Yes we are so fond of doing the 'common'. The norm. What we found our parents and those around us do. Just imitate. Sometimes we ourselves are not convinced of what we do, but still we do it. When asked why, we just surprisingly become talented at inventing reasons, usually boiling down to claiming its tight strong bond to our islamic, arabic, egyptian, society, culture, family norms and traditions. Of course, the more the religious factor the more you have a point that silence your contender. And this is when I use some of my often sayings Any secret? It is easier. Safer. Everyone does it, then it must be right. I am no genuis. Who am I to have a point of view or see differently or even think. Conform else you are a rebel. REB...

I did a small piligrimage. Riyadh. Jeddah. Riyadh. Cairo. Stayed in Jeddah for 1 night. Just enough for one small piligramage. Strange things happened. Strange conversations took place the night of my going to Jeddah from Riyadh. Consciousness of different levels popped up. Images and pictures revealed itself in what intended to be a 30 minutes quick chat that extended to 6 hours of deep talk. Amazing this Divine presence that dominates everywhere. Every talk. Every intention. I entered the Haram. Was happy being there. Amazing. Enjoyed it more than expected. Why one night? I never intended to go. Happened like a dream. Suddenly I found myself there. Everything was arranged. So fast it started. So fast it ended. Forever it will be lasting. I am glad I had clear intentions. As clear as I can be with myself. How clear can this be? Do not know? Maybe twisted, but who cares. I threw another silent one. I am a menace. Playing tricks. On Him? No no, on me. However, I trust I will be guided t...

On your note, 'US' neither negates nor replaces each of us. We are two people who were leading a separate lives in what seemed to them parallel paths. It happened that our paths crossed and the most spectacular thing happened; we discovered a bond so strong that it channeled our souls, hearts and minds so effortlessly. The more we became aware of this bond, the more we grew sure of it, the more we trusted its existence. The two of us seem to have been in eternal search for each other. Liberating is the fact that we have survived each other. But again, liberating from what? Ours is not a classical love relationship. Ours is the marriage of the mind, soul and heart. Eternal in its own right. It's our gateway to great potentials of rare human experiences. Yet astonished with its intensity, we might at time, try to bring it to earth, paint it in colours, or even challenge its very existence. Soon, however, we return weary, and defeated. This thing we share, I call it love, has ...

I have been tagged by Loulou . For some reason, I felt like paying her a gesture. I have been away from blogging, and not sharing much, so my gesture is to say this dear blogger, 'I will share again soon. I still love your sharing, Loul.' Seven things I plan to do: 1. Start reading and writing again in Islamic thoughts and M.E. society 2. Focus more on getting things done at work instead of at home 3. Take speech classes. How to pronounce arabic properly 4. Spend more time with my friends, A. specially 5. Resume Photography 6. Travel to Gouna. St. Kathryn. Hiking. Swimming 7. Finding a spanish tutor Seven things I can't do: 1. Eat fast 2. Take ones thoughts lightly. I have to know what he/she really thinks 3. Tell someone what to do 4. Not ask probing question 5. Wear my bag outside my Jacket. I wear it diagonal and then wear a jacket 6. Take thing at face value 7. Be indifferent *I dont like -ve question. Makes me think in backward. -ve + -ve= Postive Seven things I say mo...

'There is something about water that is scary.' She said. '[She] is just a shadow of every passer by, mixed with her own. She sees herself through him, she reflects on him.' He realized. Well, he can not be more right. Shadow. Water. Reflection. Mirage. Refraction. Depth. Shallowness. Crystal clear. Disturbed. Still. Reflecting. Dark. Absorbing. Turmoil. Soothing. Fearing. Killing. Relaxing. Floods. Drought. Ocean. Lake. Pond. Coffee. Boiling. Freezing. Refreshing. Warming. Atomic bomb. Carrying the child in in his mother's womb. Everything H2O can be. Much much more that it is capable of doing. Yet no one recognizes it. Its reflections are what it is famous for. You desire coffee or coke, but never H2O. You long to go to the beach. Swim in the ocean or sea but never mention H20.

Life can not be that complicated, yet can not be that simple either. Confusing. Yes. Very actually. Born. Connect. Get attached on purpose. How can not you be. They die. Pain. You do not learn. Search for another one to attach to. Fall in love. This time your choice or so you think or even do not think. Something happens or nothing happens. You do not want to detach. Can not. Feel grabbed like a dead animal. Revolve and spin in their space. Reminding yourself that you want to be free. They tell you to go. Go. Go away. You beg to be a servant. But they are no masters, you know. And indeed you are no servant. Yet you act as one. They abuse you. You abuse yourself I suppose. You blame it all on them. They see you as fool. You see them as idiots. Both of you are idiots. You live in patterns. Call it energy patterns or life patterns. Pattern why need to define the type. Things are repeated. Things in your life I mean. You fall for the wrong people. You learn. Swear you were wrong. Never wi...

*لا تسعني ارضى و لا سماي و لكن يسعني قلب عبدي المؤمن I am trying to write what this hadith means to me, but don't know what or why I remembered it. I understand it. Sometimes. Only sometimes. Other times I do not feel it. Sometimes feel it is just words. Sometimes it sounds so cool. Sometimes I feel an awe for the honour. Sometimes I feel that God is a high mainteinance and I can not keep up. Sometimes not at all. Not sure if I will attribute remembering this hadith to calling H. last night, whose father had just passed away the previous night. Not sure. All I know is that I just feel I want to have a separate post for that. I am just contemplating what triggered me. Is it the death thing or something else. WEll, it is not a clear either/or but a melange of both and I am more interested in the 'OR'. Death is sure something, but what it brings up is sure worth looking into. *Exact wording is missing

everything stays the same. I came back from somewhere only to find many changes on the blogsphere. From bloggers moving out, to another going to stand at new dimension; from a new bride having an abnormal nervous system activity to finding the best medicine in his arms; from donkey sink saw to rose babbling ; from rubbing mint to rubbing aganist her worn self ; from the wise changing his heart to me trying to overcome a tensed night aftermath; from liberating Sania while playing squash to liberating himself from a dense void ; from struggling with time to wanting to be recognized through her days ; from having God on her 'mind' to attempting to having a job on her mind; from Bergo's shoes selling protocols to our zionist cousin's protocols; from gharbeiya lana at kefaya to the same old bullshit . What else is new? I guess nothing.

'Eye donkey sink saw' Stolen from the usual time dimension. Boarders & boundaries collapsed back then. Check points recognized. Rivers flow. Rich silence enveloped the scene. Nervous smiles. Naughty laughs filled the air. Trembling happiness. Complete easiness. Bad food. Childish choices. Everyone was leaving when we entered. Shared food. Shared hidden thoughts. Unspoken promises. Mutual recognition of something developing. Wished time would freeze. Wished we would have stayed more before we both had to go. Said goodbye. Eyes flickered. My hair smelled like your car. Didn't sleep that night. Remembered the little kiss. Felt it and kept asking Why. Told me to just feel it. I did. Do not ruin the moment. I loved the moment. Put your mind to rest. It didn't exist. I was happy. Something told me this would be the last happy night. And it was really. Next time was not the same. My little mind starved to duplicate what we had that other night. Our efforts failed. Everythi...