THAT NIGHT

'Eye donkey sink saw'

Stolen from the usual time dimension. Boarders & boundaries collapsed back then. Check points recognized. Rivers flow. Rich silence enveloped the scene. Nervous smiles. Naughty laughs filled the air. Trembling happiness. Complete easiness. Bad food. Childish choices. Everyone was leaving when we entered. Shared food. Shared hidden thoughts. Unspoken promises. Mutual recognition of something developing. Wished time would freeze. Wished we would have stayed more before we both had to go. Said goodbye. Eyes flickered. My hair smelled like your car. Didn't sleep that night. Remembered the little kiss. Felt it and kept asking Why. Told me to just feel it. I did. Do not ruin the moment. I loved the moment. Put your mind to rest. It didn't exist. I was happy. Something told me this would be the last happy night. And it was really.

Next time was not the same. My little mind starved to duplicate what we had that other night. Our efforts failed. Everything failed. Puzzled. We both were. Not sure what that night was. Still remember it. Will eventually forget it. Replace it with the tensed night that followed. Replace it with the feeling of my shocked tears and cry. Replace it with the following week total collapse of communication. Replace it with our stubborness that followed. Does not have to be 'stubborness'. Could be something else. I don't know it now though. Stolen moments! From whom? I just don't understand the word 'No'. I am just pissed now. But I choose to postpone this feeling. I do not have to worry about it. Maybe later. For sure later. Things come and go. Everything comes and goes. Only if THAT NIGHT meant something. Remember it.

Just bored I guess from the collapse of time. Bored from the inability to cross over this collapsed space. Bored from not able to step into the new space. Fear. Complications. Not trusting. Maybe no one is really worth the effort. Not even me. Not even him. Maybe just too curious. Too wild. Too intimidating. Too easy. Too complicated. Too demanding. Sure. But I still believe in fun. Wished you could have given it a real shot. Wished I was just simple. Like you? It is your claim.

من المستحيل انك
تبعد حبيب عنك
حبيب لءي منك
كل الي يتمناه
من المستحيل تهرب
ارتاح باءه و ارب
اصل الي بيحبك
معرفعش كلمة لا

Angham

Comments

Anonymous said…
oh haal, now I want to cry, why postpone the feeling?? I think it is better just to get it over with, just move to the next step...postponing the feeling won't make it any better. yeah things comes and goes, let it go first inorder to come back again.
9/27/2005 11:30:00 am
LouLou said…
Oh no haal this is too too sad. It hurts all this talk of lost moments & replacements.
9/27/2005 01:32:00 pm
Charisma said…
somehwere between your words i could relate to how you're feeling, the feeling of that fluttering heart, then the feeling of it sinking deep down ... the ultimate sensual moments that just never come back with the same intensity, or even worse, never come back ...

take it easy haal, although i know in such moments, words could never heal, but it might help.
9/27/2005 02:20:00 pm
Al Sharief said…
Shining words..
Golden as the "DAHAB" elaborations..
Beautifully sad..
but courageously from within..
almost inspiring to give FUN a chance..
But afraid it is not that simple..

Very ALIFE..
Wellcome Back...
9/27/2005 04:06:00 pm
haal said…
What is 'DAHAB' that you keep mentioing, Al-Sharief.
9/27/2005 09:05:00 pm
haal said…
Nerro & Loul,

What is sad about it? Didnt mean to be so.
9/28/2005 08:09:00 am
Anonymous said…
Bas it came out so Haal, the whole post, plus the song, perfectly sad
9/28/2005 08:33:00 am
Al Sharief said…
Few words apeared in this blog only to disapear next day, titled as such or I could be just dreaming and you can disregard.
9/28/2005 08:58:00 am
LouLou said…
Nerro,

Actually the song is the only thing that I didn't find sad.

haal,

This is what I found sad:

"Something told me this would be the last happy night. And it was really."

"Next time was not the same."

"Not sure what that night was. Still remember it. Will eventually forget it. Replace it..."

These made me feel cold, sad & scared. Guess they hit some nerves.
9/28/2005 10:54:00 am
Anonymous said…
Loulou: I found the song very sad :((( actually, I feel bad as it sounds like someone is offering a lot of feelings, and the other party on the recieving end can't get it well
9/28/2005 01:52:00 pm
haal said…
Gals, I personally think this post is about stupidity and fear. Maybe sad, just a bit, but who isn't sad. The origin of our creation is 'sadness' from separation, so sure there are traces there that makes us so easy to be sad,.....not sure if it is easy to be happy though.
9/29/2005 06:51:00 am
Al Sharief said…
TARFAH, I'm glad you were dreaming too :)& I'll visit your Blog.
9/30/2005 09:26:00 pm
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

WISH

...i would say how much i miss this presence in my life and situation. But I can't. ...i would say how many times i space out with my thinking in many situation and know that it would be different had this presence been here. But it is high expectation. ...i would have a home to go back to, feel supported and secured in the midst of any day-to-day encounters... knowing I have someone with him i shed off all my masks and knows me well without explaining. But proves impossible. ...i would play and giggle. dream and plan. progress and move steadily. according to god's plan and orders. soul level. supported by this presence. But it is hard. ...we would talk and talk. discuss and discuss. learn and unlearn. teach and receive. smile in awe. in appreciation. of one another's opinion and sharing. But is never attained. ...we would share share share. listen listen listen. understand and empathize. contain and hug to rest and include. silently affirm and invite to a safe shore to cry
Read more

ISLAMIC SHOP

Never thought I was going to enter this islamic store, or so does everyone call it in the area. Al-tawheed we al-Nour. It was quite an experience. I am heading to France this week so M. asked me for hunting pants that she can wear under her cloths in winter. She wanted them in pure cotton, and pointed me to this tawheed place. So, there I went. Upon entering the place, I thought I was transformed into this new world. A hive, except it is a lazy one. Only crowded. All the sellers are men with the praying sign on their forehead, some with long beards, the plupart majority wearing greyish short pants and weird colour shirts. You can't miss but feel that they all look the same. Of course, the sound of 'iza'et el coran al kareem' was screaming everywhere. Coran, ahadeeth, preaching, all what you want. So I headed to the women section, expecting the sellers to be women. Veiled women. Munaqaba women. Whatever. It is women section for god's sake. Never expected a man to s
Read more

CAN IT BE

I was reading Atallah's when I found these words. انا لا أشكو، ففى الشكوى إنحناء و أنا نبض عروقى كبرياء by Kamel el-Shinawy. Can one really live without complaining? I don't know if we can do that. Someone always tells me that you should know exactly where to direct your complains. Don't waste your time asking homage from the servants, go to the owner. Go directly to the source. He would know how to help, otherwise it is a waste of time. I agreed back then, but still had problems. Now I don't agree, and still have the same problems. I tend to conclude that these problems are my destined luggage that I need to get rid of but they are deeply rooted in me. I had to take a dive down. And yes, there is Boss, who isn't really a Boss. P.S. Some of the comments exchanged down here are meant to be funny. Nothing personal. Please continue with the discussion. My pleasure.
Read more