Speculation

Indeed it is getting really boring. I totally agree. Not blogging in particular that is getting boring, but this whole life play in fact. I mean, this stupid struggle to get things to work in a smooth way; to have people, including myself, to act naturally with no complications or prepared agenda; to understand what the hell is going on in their minds, even the closest persons you think you know. I wish I could just stop speculating. I am pretty good in that. But I am not good with my reactions. I tend to follow my planet, Mars, destruction and not worry abit about rebuilding the whole thing. Later. Later. Don't worry about that.

I think I just am not good with persuasion. Not patient to pull and push. Like things pretty straight forward. Little words can solve the whole problem for me. Just tell me what you want and get done with the whole business. I understand, always will, but never arouse my doubt and never leave me to hunt details down. My detective mind will always speculate problems and doubts.

Comments

Anonymous said…
:)
same wavelength!
5/17/2005 12:45:00 am
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

ISLAMIC SHOP

Never thought I was going to enter this islamic store, or so does everyone call it in the area. Al-tawheed we al-Nour. It was quite an experience. I am heading to France this week so M. asked me for hunting pants that she can wear under her cloths in winter. She wanted them in pure cotton, and pointed me to this tawheed place. So, there I went. Upon entering the place, I thought I was transformed into this new world. A hive, except it is a lazy one. Only crowded. All the sellers are men with the praying sign on their forehead, some with long beards, the plupart majority wearing greyish short pants and weird colour shirts. You can't miss but feel that they all look the same. Of course, the sound of 'iza'et el coran al kareem' was screaming everywhere. Coran, ahadeeth, preaching, all what you want. So I headed to the women section, expecting the sellers to be women. Veiled women. Munaqaba women. Whatever. It is women section for god's sake. Never expected a man to s...
Read more

WISH

...i would say how much i miss this presence in my life and situation. But I can't. ...i would say how many times i space out with my thinking in many situation and know that it would be different had this presence been here. But it is high expectation. ...i would have a home to go back to, feel supported and secured in the midst of any day-to-day encounters... knowing I have someone with him i shed off all my masks and knows me well without explaining. But proves impossible. ...i would play and giggle. dream and plan. progress and move steadily. according to god's plan and orders. soul level. supported by this presence. But it is hard. ...we would talk and talk. discuss and discuss. learn and unlearn. teach and receive. smile in awe. in appreciation. of one another's opinion and sharing. But is never attained. ...we would share share share. listen listen listen. understand and empathize. contain and hug to rest and include. silently affirm and invite to a safe shore to cry...
Read more

CAN IT BE

I was reading Atallah's when I found these words. انا لا أشكو، ففى الشكوى إنحناء و أنا نبض عروقى كبرياء by Kamel el-Shinawy. Can one really live without complaining? I don't know if we can do that. Someone always tells me that you should know exactly where to direct your complains. Don't waste your time asking homage from the servants, go to the owner. Go directly to the source. He would know how to help, otherwise it is a waste of time. I agreed back then, but still had problems. Now I don't agree, and still have the same problems. I tend to conclude that these problems are my destined luggage that I need to get rid of but they are deeply rooted in me. I had to take a dive down. And yes, there is Boss, who isn't really a Boss. P.S. Some of the comments exchanged down here are meant to be funny. Nothing personal. Please continue with the discussion. My pleasure.
Read more