10 May 2005


First time to go to BlueBoat or Nile boat or Blue Nile.Oups, forgot the name. Well, it is something along these lines. I had supper with Z. at applebees. Nice place actually. Good food. Can be better for sure. Last time I ate applebees was with my mom in the States.

Anyways, this is the second night in a row that I ate many supper(s) in the same day with less than an hour in between. In fact, last night I had late lunch at home, had an early supper at peking, and then a late supper at seqoia. 4 hours and I ate 3 times. Peking was the worst of all. The company was boring and I wasn't in the mood to chineese. Seqoia was the best food. I now love the place.

We left applebees after almost 4 hours. We had a nice talk. New job, politics, a little political gossips and ended with talking about religion. Everytime we discuss religion I am left with this floating feeling.... Am I really agnostic? Very interesting feeling, not sure if I like it or not. Rossetti can you give me a hand with that.

I missed Lutfi's painting exhibition. Will go see it tomorrow with O.

My test results. I find it a little funny that Islam-Judaism are followed closely with paganism and agnosticism.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reading through your blog I dont feel you are agnostic at all. You sound deeply wondering but know you have roots well grounded in your faith. You just see things from another angle. Very interesting and deep too. I admire your character.

5/11/2005 11:15:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As of late I have felt rather detached as well. I find it very interesting that when I am detached I think that I am agnostic or perhaps that God does not even exist. Following this line of thinking I started to play with the idea that I am God. Now, don’t get me wrong! I do not think I am omnipotent, etc. I believe that God experiences the world through me as much as I experience the world through God. We (us all of us) are intrinsically linked – the fabric of existence as some Muslim scholars have theorized. When we shut ourselves out from the world, God cannot experience the world through us and cannot share the joy of existence with us. Therefore, how can we can we expect to know God through isolation – hiding from life or through silent prayer and constant reading/memorization of any book? Our God (monotheistic followers) is the LIVING GOD and therefore we must LIVE to see Him.

The other idea I have been playing with is the relationship between my detachment and fear. It is when I am scared that I am distant from others, my world, and thus God. Fear chips away at my faith until I believe that I can only rely on myself. For instance, recently I was concerned about someone breaking into my apartment. I made sure that my doors and windows were locked, bought an alarm, and at night kept my cell phone and a weapon near my bed… All these preparations to protect what? All these barriers to world so that my few possessions and my transient flesh might be safe. Do I act similarly in my relationships? Putting up barriers to protect an even more fragile ego?

So I ask myself: “What does Jesus teach? What did Jesus say about fear? And why?”

My answer is this: “Jesus said that we should fear nothing, not even our Father in Heaven. Our Father will always forgive us and will always provide for us – if not in this life than in the next. If we fear we feel the need for barriers and build them. And once our barriers are constructed it is very easy to believe in a God that cannot or will not penetrate and rejoice in our lives.”

Anyway, these are my thoughts on detachment. And now it is time to destroy some barriers…

5/11/2005 10:26:00 pm  
Blogger Alina said...

Well, anonymous, if you read a book saying only 5% of what the Bible said was stated by Jesus was actually said by him, a book with so many evidences to sustain that theory that not even the most intelligent theologian cannot discredit, where would you then find comfort? In whose words? We all say you cannot see or imagine God as you see or imagine an apple. But we all have an image of God built by our religion, no matter which religion it is. What do we do when that image is torn apart? How do we come back to God, just God, with no alien representation of him, just the one we feel deep inside?

5/12/2005 01:36:00 pm  
Anonymous Hameed said...

We indeed do 'have an image of Our God built by our religion' and, I may add, our own needs, fears, enviroment, society, traumas in our lives...everything. In other words, religion is not by any means the only painter of our image of God. Everything. Everyone. Until we know oneself, we will never know anything... including God.

5/12/2005 02:19:00 pm  
Blogger Alina said...

Hameed: "our own needs, fears, enviroment, society" -these are also important as well, I agree. But your reasons and religion are space-related most of the times. The religion, beliefs, fears, tabus, stereotypes you have are those of the society/group/contry you were born in.

Haal, just found out from a quizz the proper religion for my is...can you guess? Islam, followed closely by Budhism and Hinuism. Moreover, it seems I am pretty agnostic! :)The results and the link to the quizz are posted on my blog. Interesting, but not very reliable, I guess.

5/12/2005 04:45:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have yo yo’d in and out of faith so many times that I have lost count. It was not until I spent 6 months in the woods that I really found God. The interesting thing is that I really found myself as well. At the end of that experience I felt that I could go anywhere under any name. I had forgotten what I looked like in a mirror and what “style” was. How I was “supposed” to behave etc etc… In essence, I was like a child again: open to the world and not scared.

This again corresponds to another of Jesus’ teachings, that we are the children of God and that we should accept God like a child. Or the similar to the Hindu belief that we are born with our minds open and then the world closes that hole – we spend the rest of life trying to reopen it to reach Nirvana.

Regarding Kayla’s comment on the Bible. Anyone of intellect understands that the Bible or any historical document has been changed many times. We do not “know” what Jesus “really” said or any prophet for that matter. I think we need to look at our faith holistically and then boil it down to a simple message that we can understand and hopefully live by. It then follows that there is no “correct” faith, there is only the right faith for you. However, once you find it try not to label it. If it has a name then it is constrained or boxed in by its definition (society etc that Hameed mentions) – it cannot grow. And one of the lessons the woods taught me is that anything that cannot grow dies.

5/13/2005 08:46:00 pm  
Blogger haal said...

Kaylan, you are indeed very passionate. So tell me, why did it ends up that the 'fittest' religion for you is Islam? I think I better check this site and see for myself.

Rosetti, I think you need another 6 months in the woods. So am I? I realized staying here makes me look in the mirror alot. Dont want to forget what I look like. But it doesnt work out that easy here in cairo/egypt.

Want to meet in P.? Gear your sac-a-dos and come! Next week.

5/14/2005 09:54:00 am  

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