19 Sep 2008

19450

I feel emotionally drained to the max. Inability to connect. Can not seem to want any company or connection. I think it is a 'scorpio' state, that even Medhat Saleh yesterday was not in the mood. The concert was energy-less, which is not a scorpio thing by any means unless irritated. I did not enjoy it much. I was irritated. And wished for a good relaxed time with something I enjoy: Live plays and concerts. But it was not it.

Do not want to say that I am disappointed. I am not. I just wanted to load-off. With a perfect cool air yesterday. I drove there while listening to music and sipping my coffee. Slowly. SLowly. I was not super excited, nor was bored. This state... Wanting to enjoy. The opera was nice and I was feeling very balanced. Just not wanting to talk. Or even able to listen to anyone talk to me or engage in any conversation.

I throw myself on the floor and sat waiting. Did not move much until the 1 hour of music was concluded. Hardly uttered a word. My mind was actually blocked or not concentrating. I was just looking to Medhat Sale7 and wondering that indeed Scorpios are the best! Can excel at almost anything. Swing sharply between being very sensitive and very practical. He is in love with Asala's sister, and they are fighting to get married.... Being a scorpio, they feed-on impossibile situations. Once they get it, they lose interest. Or once realizing they are stupid, they drop it. ANd it is scary, because they can't switch them back. When going there, they were only driven with sincerity and hope, when stalling on the whole issue, they are driven by rational and practicality. In between the sharp extreme swing, they survive. No calculation during the initial stage, so if you want to get them hocked, trigger them in that first state because once they realize the slackness, they literally stop. Shut-down. Scary. For them too.

I drove to zamalek. Parked by the club and entered Marriott. It was after midnight. It was quiet. Passed by the gardens. Smelling the kabab and watching people drink and play. I had this faceless mask on. Only concentrating on the sound of the shoes ticking the ground. Walked to diwan. Chatted with Ahmed regarding a book they endlessly promised to send me. Will see what will happen there. Picked Thomas pizza and Cherry cheese cake to go. And walked back home.

Read a bit in Alan Greenspan before falling asleep. Not a word uttered. Which is funny, because yesterday I almost did not talk at all. Was working from home. Between working on this new thing that I want to break-grounds with, totally concentrating, and suddenly walking in the apartment straighten things, cleaning the kitchen, doing the laundry, adjusting the carpet and the curtains. Changing the bulbs. Scenting the bathroom. Throwing away food and un-needed things. Almost anything that was misplaced, I throw. Even if the other needed it. I justify, 'sorry... misplaced.' And I throw. Literally throw. Not put aside.

And then back working.

Had a totally silent breakfast on yesterday's food. Just made a plate for everyone: a spoon of rice. the remaining small piece of the Lazania. One small baked potato with sour crea. A piece of tomato. 5 stems of rocket. Cup of water. Big lemon sliced to eat. Ate in 7 minutes exactly, and left silently. Watched my routine shows.


Sat on the bed. Listened to music. Shower. Dressed. Out.

Nice life indeed!!!

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