29 Oct 2005

LIBERATING IT IS

On your note, 'US' neither negates nor replaces each of us. We are two people who were leading a separate lives in what seemed to them parallel paths. It happened that our paths crossed and the most spectacular thing happened; we discovered a bond so strong that it channeled our souls, hearts and minds so effortlessly. The more we became aware of this bond, the more we grew sure of it, the more we trusted its existence. The two of us seem to have been in eternal search for each other. Liberating is the fact that we have survived each other. But again, liberating from what?

Ours is not a classical love relationship. Ours is the marriage of the mind, soul and heart. Eternal in its own right. It's our gateway to great potentials of rare human experiences. Yet astonished with its intensity, we might at time, try to bring it to earth, paint it in colours, or even challenge its very existence. Soon, however, we return weary, and defeated.

This thing we share, I call it love, has brought me life. It reassured me of my relevance, and has brought me joys I would not have dreamt of. 'US' is a blessing. I love you for making it ever possible and more for bringing it to me. I can almost say I love myself for contributing it; love myself for loving you. It is as continuos as we want it to be.

28 Oct 2005

GESTURE TO LOULOU

I have been tagged by Loulou. For some reason, I felt like paying her a gesture. I have been away from blogging, and not sharing much, so my gesture is to say this dear blogger, 'I will share again soon. I still love your sharing, Loul.'

Seven things I plan to do:
1. Start reading and writing again in Islamic thoughts and M.E. society
2. Focus more on getting things done at work instead of at home
3. Take speech classes. How to pronounce arabic properly
4. Spend more time with my friends, A. specially
5. Resume Photography
6. Travel to Gouna. St. Kathryn. Hiking. Swimming
7. Finding a spanish tutor

Seven things I can't do:
1. Eat fast
2. Take ones thoughts lightly. I have to know what he/she really thinks
3. Tell someone what to do
4. Not ask probing question
5. Wear my bag outside my Jacket. I wear it diagonal and then wear a jacket
6. Take thing at face value
7. Be indifferent

*I dont like -ve question. Makes me think in backward. -ve + -ve= Postive

Seven things I say more often:
1. Begad?!! Kazab.
2. Yallah ba'ah. Khalass besour'a
3. Deen oum kedda. Or wehyat.....
4. Tab eih kaman. Eih akhbar tany
5. Fahem asdee.... I mean....
6. Demaghee. Moush 3ayza a3raf el 3ak dah
7. Meen aal keddah. Howa ay kalam wee khalas.

More.....

Seven people I want to tag
1. Mo. Miss you.
2. Kayla. Feeling better?
3. EVE. Still addicted?
4. Alif. Not your style, I know? But do it.
5. Jade. Unfasten the seat belt
6. Al-Sharief. Where is your dream?
7. Zoss. How are you?
8. Moon. How can I dare forget you. I owe you one I know.

14 Oct 2005

H2O

'There is something about water that is scary.' She said.

'[She] is just a shadow of every passer by, mixed with her own. She sees herself through him, she reflects on him.' He realized.
Well, he can not be more right.

Shadow. Water. Reflection. Mirage. Refraction. Depth. Shallowness. Crystal clear. Disturbed. Still. Reflecting. Dark. Absorbing. Turmoil. Soothing. Fearing. Killing. Relaxing. Floods. Drought. Ocean. Lake. Pond. Coffee. Boiling. Freezing. Refreshing. Warming. Atomic bomb. Carrying the child in in his mother's womb.

Everything H2O can be. Much much more that it is capable of doing. Yet no one recognizes it. Its reflections are what it is famous for. You desire coffee or coke, but never H2O. You long to go to the beach. Swim in the ocean or sea but never mention H20.

12 Oct 2005

BLAAA

Life can not be that complicated, yet can not be that simple either. Confusing. Yes. Very actually. Born. Connect. Get attached on purpose. How can not you be. They die. Pain. You do not learn. Search for another one to attach to. Fall in love. This time your choice or so you think or even do not think. Something happens or nothing happens. You do not want to detach. Can not. Feel grabbed like a dead animal. Revolve and spin in their space. Reminding yourself that you want to be free. They tell you to go. Go. Go away. You beg to be a servant. But they are no masters, you know. And indeed you are no servant. Yet you act as one. They abuse you. You abuse yourself I suppose. You blame it all on them. They see you as fool. You see them as idiots. Both of you are idiots.

You live in patterns. Call it energy patterns or life patterns. Pattern why need to define the type. Things are repeated. Things in your life I mean. You fall for the wrong people. You learn. Swear you were wrong. Never will do this again. You are kidding me. You do it again. This time it is more fun. Watching a movie. Seeing yourself sneaking to doing it again. Know it is wrong. Recognize the pain. Taste the pain & regret before things happen, yet you keep going. Doing it. Happy for the feeling you get, yet, know it is all fake. I have been there. I have been swaped by guilt feeling before. I know its ending. Well, sounds like I like to see things end. Is it a yoga concept? Things must end before a new one starts. Dunno. For sure, something will start. But to my surprise, it is the one thing that had just died.

5 Oct 2005

*لا تسعني ارضى و لا سماي و لكن يسعني قلب عبدي المؤمن

I am trying to write what this hadith means to me, but don't know what or why I remembered it. I understand it. Sometimes. Only sometimes. Other times I do not feel it. Sometimes feel it is just words. Sometimes it sounds so cool. Sometimes I feel an awe for the honour. Sometimes I feel that God is a high mainteinance and I can not keep up. Sometimes not at all.

Not sure if I will attribute remembering this hadith to calling H. last night, whose father had just passed away the previous night. Not sure. All I know is that I just feel I want to have a separate post for that. I am just contemplating what triggered me. Is it the death thing or something else. WEll, it is not a clear either/or but a melange of both and I am more interested in the 'OR'. Death is sure something, but what it brings up is sure worth looking into.

*Exact wording is missing