19 Apr 2005

WHEN TO

Knowing when to stop is important to learn. In everything. Loving someone, chasing a dream, fighting, traveling, resting, eating, talking, having sex, believing, doubting... Everything. Really important. Excess in anything is dangerous. Turn the experience to a burden. Takes the joy and the pleasure out of it. Makes it more mundane, fixed. Turns it to a fight a competition. A will to prove or disprove something. What for.

I actually have been thinking about this girl I met last week at the Italian club. She is a new friend of Z. whom he had known through another friend. Some sort of a circle connection. She appeared to be a nice girl. Not sure how old was she. Either too young or too old. I couldnt really tell. Feature and body wise, I would say late 20's, but attitude wise maybe early 20's or younger. In the matter of fact, I am stealing Z.'s statement. This is what he thinks of her age.

I personally dont think of people in age context. For me age is not really The indication of anything. It does sure play a role but after a certain age, age becomes insignificant. Moreso, I think in Egypt we do mature before time, but then suddenly de-mature after a certain age. The end result, we dont live our childhood, nor our adulthood, and sure not our old ages. As most things in our life, we just float in between stages while not really enjoying any stage or state.

Back to M. She appeared like a nice person when she joined us last week. She was talkative, which I initally thought was cute, as it took away the pressure of me taking the burden of trying to be eloquent and open conversations to break the ice. Something I hate to do, and ain't good at either. I d'rather fight or have a little clash on the first meeting, actually this makes me more relaxed in my future meetings, if any. I just dislike this polite tutty fruity initial talks. Very fake. But I have to always tame myself a little for Z.'s sake, he is too diplomatic and knows what to say when. Total opposite of me. I tend to have headaches, lose concentration, get bored, and just would say anything to get done with the conversation and leave.

Back to M. again! Well, I have to admit that after a short while I was hoping she would immediately leave. She triggered me. 'Why God. what did I do wrong to have me surrounded with people who just love talking about themselves. Why most of my friends are like that. Is this a sign.' Well, maybe, but I am thankful I have lovely wonderful friends, and Z. too is awesome in debates and free thinking.

No exaggeration here, but she M. had this ability to turn any topic we talk about to talking about herself and what she had done or not done. Hmm... Why am I not like this, I wonder? She does also something I hate, emotion manipulation. She, in between her talks, mentioned some personal suffering: the loss of both her father and mother to which I was consciously sucked into. In my mind and heart, I was pretending to appear nice and didnt want to give her 'The face'. Well, I couldnt do that for long though. But I kept wondering, if she was intentionally manipulating us to listen to her. Didnt she feel that she was the only one talking. Didnt she notice that she only talked about herself. Not adding to the conversation. Boring me to death. What was the purpose of the conversation to her?

So, after many attempts to leave, she finally left us alone. Z. and myself just looked to eachother and couldnt stop laughing. M. was going to accompany Z. and some other friends in their fishing trip for 4 long long days. Alone in the sea. He begged me to come. No way, are you kidding me. I was going to kill myself with the butter knife after 40 minutes of talking, not sure what will I do for 4 days. Sea, boat, Sharks are very tempting...I dont trust myself!

I am not really 'intimidating, a bit harsh, or heartless' person, but I just get bored. As simple as that. I waste many years torturing myself, but hate to be tortured by someone for 1 nanosecond. I adore conversations, talks and chit-chats. That is why I feel so upset when some people ruin my fun time. I might be boring too, agressive, dictator, one track minded, stubborn, intemidating, oppressing, destructive,...you name it, but I try to be aware of other people reactions. Sometimes, of course, I get carried away but at least I am aware of that.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Mohamed said...

"Knowing when to stop is important to learn. In everything. Loving someone, ..., having sex, believing, doubting..."

Don't learn to stop now! See, I told you we'll get there.

4/20/2005 02:09:00 am  
Blogger haal said...

I am too 'intimidating, a bit harsh or heartless' to stop now.

4/20/2005 02:34:00 am  
Anonymous Mohamed said...

Sorry.. i didn't want to let it out, but you kind of pushed me. That's what makes you alot of fun though. Very unique mind too.

4/20/2005 02:37:00 am  
Blogger haal said...

Not at all, I thought you did it in a teasing 'friend' attitude sorta thing. Break the ice kinda thing! something you saved me from doing.

4/20/2005 02:43:00 am  
Anonymous Mohamed said...

It was a friendly thing akeed. So is the ice broken now?

Maybe you should continue talking about that topic you were uncomfortable with then ;) (i'm really annoying, eh)

4/20/2005 02:58:00 am  

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