8 Apr 2005


It is back. Holding my breath did not help. The coughing is killing me. I can hear it coming. And I do feel scared. At times. At others, I wish it will attack and finish. And finish me with it. can someone so full of energy and passion for life wish to stop? I do not know. But I do feel so. there is this powerful part of me who just wishes to end all this sufffering. Not from the pain, I can hardly allow it. But the feel of separation from what I know exists. As if it is chasing me and I am tracing him. But I have no clue who he is. But even with that hope, I feel that when I find him, it wont be easy. what else was easy in my life? Thank god. But again, this struggle between death and life leaves me helpless.

Is it safer to not meet him lest I will suffer the separation?

I do not know.

God..... would you please make the path easy?

If this is a symbol, then I get the message. :)


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