ON WRITTING

I remember. I do remember my dear and exceptional father used to tell me whenever I am about to write a 'composition' for school. 'Write and for every simple word, open the dictionnary and replace it with a hard more sophisticated one.' I looked to him silently. Did it maybe once or twice to get his acceptance or just to fend off any further requests of that sort. I wondered why. I really did. My mind resorted to that the purpose was to learn more vocabulary. However, I never learnt vocabulary that way. Until this very moment I do use vocabulary that I dont really know its meaning, yet, know it fits in this sentence and gives it some strength. Terms and business, or historical words, that if you ask me the exact meaning I wont really know. Anyways, my father is smart and for sure had his reasons for this way of learning. For the GRE, I got the worst score in the vocabulary. I think I am not good. I followed my friend 'Doug' advice and did a yellow stick note for all the words. It didnot work still.

Anyways, i came to recognize for myself why the resistance to replacing words. Replacing simple words with more sophisticated words; memorizing the dictionnary let alone using it. I resisted all that. I wanted to always experience the words as it is. In its own sentence. And for sure in its own context. I so adore 'context'. Of words. Of circumstances. Of events. Of feelings. I do and always did put everything and grasp everything in context. I do that. And it does complicate things yet gives it a personal touch that I love.

I noticed in my own writing, that I use very simple vocabulary. Sometimes more sophisticated ones. I alternate. Giving the green light to simple words. I do that not on purpose, and not because of time or mood reservation, but it is how I feel when writing. I see it as a reflection of how I feel. SOmetimes to make it hard, not for others to understand, but for myself to unravel it. I dont see it clearly, and I am not comfortable. I am not at ease. I write through my 'lenses' that is not a clean lens, but a struggling one. And thus the words come like that. Complicated. To me at least.

I have been conscious to simplify. To not tend to complicate anything. Things are complex and simplifying it makes it beautiful. To go back to the basic solid emotions. To go back to the rainbow colours. And then play with the combinations. Whenever it is too complicated, then something is not right. Something is not right. I no more drag myself behind decieving words, like 'challenge' because there is no challenge outside you. All the challenge is inside. And I'd rather focus in. I simplify it on myself.I go back to the basic emotions and basic outcome. Still discovering what are these basics, but there are basics, solid and real ones that are worth searching for.

I wonder if there are 7 basic feelings/ emotions like that of the rainbow. I also wonder if the rainbow colours do carry and portray all the feelings. Aren't the colours of our Chakras that of the rainbow?

So, I love you papa but I am glad I never changed the words to a more complex ones. I sticked to my simple vocabulary.