21

Different shapes. Thin and thick. Old and new. Heavenly carved. Gracefully assembled one next to the another. Number chosen. Shapes examined. All complete. No breaks. Sacredly ticking one after the other. Motherly mumbling. Intention declared. Beeded with love while sitting one morning during the month of April 2005. Imprising one afther the other around a thin, and later thick, white string. I was there. Watching patiently and enthusiastically while the process was being completed. Got myself attached to it. It was hope.

I hold tight to it. An invisible support. Strengthening my aura and opening my destiny. It did. Gracefully it did. It remained a secret. A hidden bond. Knew nothing about it, yet felt it deeply. It was there. Nodded gracefully. Recognized our destiny before we did. After all, this is what it was intended for. Witnessed everything. Everything that was spoken or unspoken. Expressed verbally or averbally. Witnessed it all. What a great witness. It felt safe.

When time comes to leave it stood there. Our promise to a safe comeback. I smuggled myself through it. My inner scent. Deep cell. Kind smile and wandering eyes. A dormant travel companion yet a life giver phantoum. It was there. Carried all what I wanted to send there. It was my adventurer. Saw and shared what I could not yet longed for. It was me. Part of me. No, it was me.

I took it back. To recharge it. To connect with it. To send it back fresh. To continue be a merry jinny. Waiting for the moment its holder embrace it in the hands, rub gently and inhale it in through every cell. Transcending through its stones to this happy peaceful space that unites. God knows if it was wet by a tear or two that let itself drop peacefully. Sweeping along its journey bits of this mingled sadness and hope. Reflecting a trembling smile hesitantly finding its way in the midst of the pleading heart. When I put it back. Feeling it more dense. More connected. A messanger. A sacred one. I could not wait to have it back.

I still recall the way it was held. Embraced. Deeply smelled while the little eye looking to me. A smile. A relieved smile. A meaningful one. I understood it. Felt it and knew what this 21 means. Not only to me.

I chose to let it rest there. Not with me. There with the protector. Yes there is 'there' now. In the tearsome peace. With the deeply pleading heart. It meant to be there for now. Not sure until when. It forever remained a symbol of more connection. Now a hope. A hope so entangled in fear. All that we have now.

I fear nothing more than it being sent back. Please stay there as long as I live.

I believe in each and every one of you. You have never put me down. Stay there. Hold it there. Provide support if you are ever been held again. If picked up. Do not blame or reproche. Just be there as ever. Radiate. Smile. Spread your smell and strength. A hope is all what will be needed. Your silence is more eloquent than millions of a well versed stranza.

I could not do that.