MESSAGE FROM BED

Wish that you dont worry about me. TO leave me and dont hold yourself responsible for me. Trust that you are home to me. I will always come back to you whenever I want. I dont get embaressed from you. On the contrary, I feel safe to do and say anything.

I am just tired. Seriously tired. I want you to know where I am at so that I am free to do whatever I want. To even disappear if I feel like it. Disappear from you. Can I? But even that I cant do with you. I feel a continous need to be with you, connecting with you. This is a new feeling to me and thus hard. I dont want us to talk about that again, yet, dont want to talk about anything but this.

It is the only time I feel so close to someone to that extent. Effortlessly. Feel safe and secured. I think I am tense because I shared a lot of who I am. Somthing I have been capturing all my life. I thought it would be the best gift in my life when time comes and I share it. But now with all the complications it is causing deep pain. Finding you makes it harder for me. I am afraid I will close up again very strongly. Deciding I dont want to share with anyone again. I am just too sensitive. Can't imagine or accept that when the time had come to let go of all I am hiding, I will be ordered to stop.

You are the closest person ever to me. Just I feel I am talking to my self, even better. This longing to you is killing me because I just want to be with you all the time and I can't. So I start to hate this longing. I am sharing here but I own all these feelings and my inablity to deal with reality.

I dont know from where are all these emotions coming from. Never knew I hid so much. I just cant stop being too emotional. All the contradictory emotions. All rushing at once. At the same time.

Comments

Al Sharief said…
Salamat Ya haal?!?
What do I know...
fell like apolgies are due...
for thinking for even a shor while
that I understand what prompted such deep deep emotions.
Yet I feel the strength from your within. The contradction.
so I claim I can understand the motives & the drivers.
But What do I know...
and for that matter what anyone else knows...
Be blessed.
1/14/2006 09:40:00 pm
haal said…
Yes you know. You come from the outside and see what is inside. No apologies are due. Maybe more insights are due. Can you endure to do that. I will really appreciate it.

Love can be spotted easily. No experience is needed. We just tune to it. And I guess you do that.
1/14/2006 09:46:00 pm
Anonymous said…
You know what...I just turned on my computer to write someone an e-mail telling "almost the same feelings you stated in ur post"...but tried to give it a second thought keda & cool down. fa I thought I would have my blog tour...and guess what stumbled in your post...
"Love can be spotted easily. No experience is needed. We just tune to it. And I guess you do that"...wish I could know how??
1/14/2006 10:23:00 pm
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