Something in me has to change. Internal. This wound. This scar. This deep flip. Maybe I need to be more pronounced. Stop the fake or even real politeness. To maybe learn from you. Be apathetic. With a cool mind. Detached. I will try to learn from you. Do as my enemies do. Play their tricks. Maybe. 


Now I'm in this stage. Need to reevaluate. Done that before. Many times. Nothing much had changed. Hate to see myself lose. Can't wait. Can't be patient. My firey nature jumps ahead of me.  Patience is not my thing. And I think it's too late to be. 

Now I'm towards the indifference. With him I'm now. I am numb. And I think it will get worse.

I think I might be depressed. Been for sometime. Hide behind many things. And will continue to do that as long as I'm not finding myself again.

Remind me when did I last find it?

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