GREEN NOTEBOOK

I write there. I hide it. I use it to scribble. To take notes. To finish up what is entangling me and cut loose of it. I can not. Unable to. There are lots of things there. Making bigger knots. And sophisticated issues. Unable to resolove it. With myself first. Then with the other or others. I am unable to speak up. To open up. To say where is the pain. Where I am hurted. What are my concerns. I really can not speak up. Some issues are way deeper to talk about it. It needs more opening up. More clarity. I need to be able to feel free to talk and be sure I am well recieved.

I am not.

Unsafe. Insecure. Suffocated. Scared. Seeing myself pushed aside to give way to something else. But not particularly balanced. I feel I am losing it. Being stepped over. I do not like that. Especially if I am unable to speak up.

There is a core issue. It is pyscological. Cant get over it. I need help.

Comments

Live said…
this is exactly how i feel ... at least there is some kind of sharing on some level ... to feel i'm not alone ...
and it hurts more when u decide to open up but you choose the wrong person ... and u also feel that u r being stepped over, when everything u say & every feeling u have, has no echo back ...

hoping, trusting too much, this too much, hurts too much
5/16/2011 05:41:00 am
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