THURSDAY NOON

I woke up this morning so conscious. Silent. I stayed in bed for 2 hours just reading 'the book of secrets'. Hopping to any page and just read whatever it there. This morning it was about 'STOP'. How to just stop yourself from doing whatever or feeling whatever. Without even trying to analyze or convince yourself of a reason to stop. It seems that this sudden stop is what creates the gap between who you are not and who you really are. Redirect the energy and reuse it in a different form.

I dragged myself. Took a boiling hot shower. Put my favourite lotion and put on my jeans, boats, blouse and pullover. I went to the kitchen. Made a cup of tea and milk. SanPallegrino with lemon. A cheese sandwitch. Music. Took the book with me and sat in the kitchen reading. It was cold and I could see a greyish sky. Was nice actually. I sat there for an hour. I liked the idea of being alone in the kitchen. Warm and cozy. Very little if no noise at all. Was good. I felt better and decided to go out.

The minute I am in the car, it started to drizzle. Nice. It has been so long since I saw the streets wet here in cairo. Suddenly it was pouring. Could not believe for a while 'it was cairo'. As if the sky was so sad, crying. They always say that, but no one really knows how true this is. Just part of the self absorbed creatures we are, assuming everything is our slaves. Well, God said so! But I guess not in the shallow context we associate it with.

I drove slowly. Took a stop next to what I call the 'panasonic building'. I stoped there looking to the sky. Listening to the rain. Watching the wind shield washed with the water. The rinser cleaning and making a noise and shapes as it pushed away the water. I sat there. Wished what I wished and then decided to go check my emails. It did not take long enough before I saw through all my emails. Nothing really important. Trivial enough to get me bored. Faster than the wind, I was out deciding to go to Dido's for pasta.

I went there. Bummer! They are reinovating it. Well, they really dont have to do that. No matter how they change it, this place will still be in-need for a place. I called Z. on my way and we met there. We were both just annoyed enough but have nothing else other than forced to enjoy one anothers.

Funny. Pure coincident we were both wearing jeans. Brown jacket. Scarf. Huge sunglasses. We did not take off our sunglasses. It was dark enough and we just felt like hiding more. Dido's has been my place. Introduced it to many people. Some like it. Others did not. One felt it a bit cheap compared to their lavish places, yet, the memory of meeting there for the first time after being away for 7 years held it a bit special. Anyways, for me Dido's is somewhere that is connected with my AUC time. Hostel. Friends. Projects. Like it or not, it is simple and you can be what you want. Arabietta. Spicy. Coke. Ate half and that's it.

Off to a walk. Round the little block. Went to Mit Rihan. Saw some furniture. They have couple of nice coffee tables. Oh well! Then we went to Coffee bean and tea leaf. It is a bit shitty that they have now all these fences and chains to prevent people from parking. It is annoying.

We ordered 2 chai tea. Sat in the open air. Sipping it. Ah, forgot to say that we didnot talk much. Just couple of exchange that are all negative about this world! Was funny in some sense. Chai tea was really good. I like it. Reminds me of Portland, Oregon for some reason.

We then went home. Sat in the bedroom. Checked some more boring emails. Watched a movie, salma hayek and penele. Funny light movie. Ate some pistachio and Apple juice. Then on the bed I slept. Just staring at the room. Listening to music. Was really feeling on the edge. Did not want any violence or noise or any sudden action. I probably stayed in this situation for an hour. Z. doing her clumsy things. I fending her off at times. Not answering at others. Teasing. Just chit-chating, small talks. My constant word, 'I am bored'.

They got us supper. Kofta. French Fries. Diet Coke. I ate a little while in bed. Sat in the balcony for a while, then on the big Pouff I slept in my favourite sleeping position. I was so sleepy. So bored. So wanting to just close my eyes and visualize anything I wish for. I did. Z. will never leave me alone. Intruding. Interrupting. Asking questions. Moving up and down. Going back and forth. Cant sit still for a while without making a move.

Now. Took another shower. Slipped in my white PJ. Will read myself to sleep. How boring today is!