LONG NIGHT

So the 'problematic'presentation went awesome, so he said. I was relieved it did. Was worried lest something would go wrong, or he feels under-appreciated, or or, especially that he (and me too) had put lots of hopes of it. Felt like it was life or death to many things. The presentation's preparation phase took quite sometime and with that comes the stress and the disturbance; its execution phase took him 2 hours of presenting and 1 hour of agressive questioning and debates. Well, the more agressive the questions are, the better indication of how good it went. So, he called immediately after the presentation was over to tell me how awesome and great it was..... Phew. I was pleased, for many things actually. Thanks.

Anyways, was debating whether to go meet O. after coming back or not. At the very last moment I commited to meeting her, although was hoping she would say that it is such a short notice, but she said, 'great'. So we met at Peking Dokki a place I hate for many reasons, first of which is the parking and the whole Shooting club traffic mess. But I was on time and we ate a lot of things. She is pregnant for the second time. I am the first to know. Wonderful, except the coming baby will be a Capricorn most probably. Funny, I thought to myself. No more Scorpios? Maybe it is better for him/her and for the world.

We spent like 4 hours eating and talking. Cool. I just got uncomfortable at the end, a little irritated. Just had a feeling that I wanted to go home, to do what? I don't know. Nothing probably. But just had this feeling. She had to leave anyways to run some errands and some house stuff. So we left. It is always nice to meet O. actually. This time less than the previous times, but still good. I came to realize that she is the only friend who I sit and talk about things in a little deep sense. Not too deep, but deeper than others I suppose. Still there is something missing, but it is my fault not hers. Maybe that was what got me at the end. 'I still ........'

Although I wanted to go home, I called A. another friend to see if she wanted to do something. A. is my night friend, she doesn't go out except after 9 pm, while O. doesnt go out after 8:30, both for baby sitting purposes. A. was in the club playing tennis, although I had sent her a message asking her to fix us an outing, but she didnt get it because A., her husband read it and didnt tell her. BUMMER. But anyways, she couldnt go out, neither did I want to. So I drove home.

Came home, straight to my room and then sat in bed listening to the sound coming out of the AC. I hate AC but I sat there, did an exercise I am planning/decided to try for a certain period of time. I am not sure if it is working or not, but it is good and I am not actually interested in evaluating it. Did it and just slept or half slept....until I got a message from Z. Very sweet actually, replied, and slept again. It is not really sleeping..... but just ....something else! Half sleeping...Sleeping in anticipation. Anticipation of what? I don't know. Not that I will see an angel coming, I don't believe in these things in the literal sense...white creatures with white wings.... maybe just part of our imaginale world together along with many other things.

I remember my south american catholic friend, Maria, gave me a book pin with an angel on it. I thought it was cute, but she said, 'we catholics believe in angels, so I am giving you this to look after you.' Well, I smiled and still remember this incident so vividly. I still have the pin, it actually got lost couple of times, but I always find it in one of the books. She was/is a good friend. A little detective in nature, but I liked her. I remember that she wanted to convert me to Catholocisim, and I was just interested in witnessing her efforts and enjoying being worked on. I dont have any plans to convert. Convert from what to what in the first place. An organized religion to another organized religion. God No. Plus I just happen to think that Islam, as an essence, is cool. Forgett about the human aspect tampering with it, it is just great.

I now in fact remembered that I was going to LA when a Buddhist monk stopped me and gave me this book about buddhism and meditation with the Dali-Lama. I was so happy for many reasons, first, because I was like, 'wow, he knew that I like these buddhist stuff, I must be radiant' and second becaus 'I was the chosen from all these people.' But wait a minute, he asked me for 20 dollars for the book. Well, I didnt think that my ego inflation feeling would worth the 20 bucks. Oh..Thanks Master, in my next life maybe I will buy the book. Too bad! Just another buddhist sales-man. Even in buddhisim...Yep, even buddhism this same shit happens. All after the green money. I would be interested to meeting the dali-lama one day.....

Now, it is 3:30 am. I cant sleep. The AC makes the room too cold, I turn it off, it gets really hot. I turn it on again I get cold. Between on and off I curse the stupid heat, and the stupid many things, and remember many things I want to forget and issues I want them solved in a blink of an eye...... So I finally decide to blog. And here is some garbage.

Ah, the best part. I am almost done with this book, 'Zaat' by sun' allah-ibrahim. Interesting book. I got the arabic version, which of course I have difficulty reading, but those who read it in both languages said that it is better in arabic. Well, it is.

Oh well, now my mom is coughing. Turning on the lights, turning it off. The whole house is getting crazy and itchy. I hate the hot weather.