A Message from within

Why there are trees planted near the graves, infront of every single graveyard, and near the tomb itself? Is there a meaning to this? Is it only a muslim thing, or it is a universal thing? Well, there must be a meaning to this. It is not logical, right. I mean, the guy is dead, why would he care if there is a tree or even a garden near him. Watching religious movies, there were always scenes where Arabs used to hang their wishes and vows in trees--something like cradles-- on their branches. Why the tree? What did they expect from it? (My apology to Arabs suck post but I feel it is not Arabs who suck, it is WE, as human, who suck. I personally admire Arab, especially before Islam, and their deep connection to nature.) Anyways, back to trees! Tree bears the concept of life from ancient times, connexion between two worlds. The tree is rooted in earth, extend upwards reaching the sky, thus belonging to both spheres, as does human being. The feeling that life power manifests itself in the ...

I am very sad. Haven't felt that sad in years. Nothing worse than losing someone close. Even more worse is that you can't let out your emotions. Stupid ability to hold all the sadness inside, and keep a smiling face in the midst of all the tears around. I do want to cry, show emotions, but I just can't do it. All my thoughts in the funeral, and burrial were to persuade myself to cry, express sadness, attempt to make my mind realize that 'hey sucker, you just lost a friend. Hello. Tears', but nothing was out except a sarcastic smile. What's wrong with me? Well, I always do this shit. I can do the crying alone, but not infront of others. 5 days before he died, I dreamt of him. Not just a series of snapshots passing by, but these kind of dreams where you feel a subtle connexion is established. Very dense actually. I still until now remember the feeling I had in the dream when I touched his hand, hugged him, frantically persuaded him to hold on. Funny. Obviously, I ...

Believe it or not, I never read anything written by or on Nawal al-Sa'dawy. Didn't even know how she looked like. My experience of her is an audio one. I heard about her opinions from friends, who in turn heard these opinions through a long chain of narratives. Enough to twist, blow things out of propotions. Thus, I was happy to watch this interview. Attempt to understand what she is talking about or trying to do. To be honest, I didn't really get a crystal clear idea of any sort. The talks were random and the interviewer talked more than the lady. She, I thought, was intimidated, unable to form an argument. She reverted back to the interviewer ideas with minimal elaboration. Was funny in that sense. My only assumption is that she could have fallen into some sort of 'motor mimicry'. So what happens when two people talk?

I know there is something right with Egyptians. No doubt about that. What is it? This is the question. Why can't I immediately recognize it? This is another question. Is it because 'wrong' becomes more dominant, and 'right' is now the exception, hardly seen?; the magnitute of 'wrong' inflats and that of 'right' deflats?; Could it be that my definition of 'right' & 'wrong' changed? Become impacted with the direct or indirect ideas of post-enligthenment Europe, which became the ‘minaret’ from which I look at and evaluate the traditions of non-Westerners. All I can see from up there is an unorganized, backward, stagnant and unfamiliar world that doesn't make sense to me and thus needed to be modernized! Is this solely the reason why I can't immediately recognize what is right with Egyptians, and at the same time, am ready to write assiduously about what is wrong? Could it be me? Could be. Could be Egyptians too.

Told her over and again: loud voice makes me nervous. Would she listen? No. Has to shout everytime we fight. I think she either enjoys provoking me or being the victim of my short temper, and savage behaviour. After all these years, still she doesn't know me. There is sure something not right with everything and everyone. I don't really blame her. There is no real point in communicating with me. I am the son of the pharos. Doubt that she is from the same species.

'Prophet Mohamed was Ummi. He didn't know how to read and write. This is a miracle.' This is the first statement I learnt at school when talking about prophet Mohamed. With all my respect and partial acceptance, I am not going to teach it the same way to my kids. Let me start off by saying that I don't think that the word ummi is solely translated as illiterate, can't read or write. Well, I happen to think that this point of view is a limited and limiting one. It is a view that aims to reinforce the doctrine of miraculous character of the Coran; if the prophet couldn't read or write, so the argument goes, then his reception of a text of surpassing beauty and wisdom must be divine revelation. However, in todays time we no more need an assertion of the miraculous nature of the Coran through prophet Mohamed illiteracy. Time proves and will continue to prove that on many levels. Another plausible interpretation could also mean instead that the prophet is the 'G...

I sometimes react and answer sick remarks from my defense system; from my constant desire to protect my dignity; at other times to appear perfect, .... (fill in the spaces). I do this mainly when I am not comfortable with who I am. In the past, I used to wear my watch in my right hand, wear a certain ring, all as reminders to not react or act in certain ways. Sometimes it works other times not. I think, from a very young age, I was conscious of my duality, and keen to know who I really was, away from all the tags my parents and circumstances labeled me with. I certainly lived up to their expectations to gain approval. However, later I hated my sucking up to them and went the opposite direction. Shattering one label after the other. Initially during this process, I sometimes wondered if not acting in this or that manner, would make me disappear, or lose my identity that I came to be famous for? Eh! The fear of being Identity-less, and unknown, is far more illusionary painful than living...

Today is such a WEIRD day! I feel as if I am in a dream. Unable to react, just starring and mumbling nonsense. I guess I am too stunned. I am wearing red, but has no effect! I overdozed! Was planning to go get a hair-cut after work today, something I wanted to do since 3 months, but I keep postponing it. Looks like I will cancel it, as well as drop attending A's presentation too. Too lazy to go anywhere. Is it the weather, the colours, the what? Someone is spraying drugs in the air. Yeah, right. All the population is spaced out. If you don't believe me, take a look. People just throw themselves infront of the cars, and walk as if they own the planet. Typical effect of LCD. hehe

Lately, couple of my friends--not sure what to call them, pro-Islam, those with a prayer mark, neo-islamist-- have been populating this idea: men in the muslim, and Egyptian society in particular, should take more than one wife for the sake of saving the muslim community. Their main reasons for that were based on the latest statistics declaring that women out-numbered men leading to the spreading of a phenomena which our society calls 'anousa'. A pathetic, women-mocking, I assume a slang word that doesn't exist in fusha , that means women who passed a certain age without getting married. This phenomena on the long run, if it hadn't already, will imperil the muslim society and allow for the spreading of adultery, and the like. What I found amusing was A.'s wife, listening to the conversation, nodded to what A. had said and asseredt that, 'Yes, I will accept A. take a second wife. It is time we stop looking for our own pleasure and serve a divine cause....etc....

It is not easy. You have to be well grounded, in a good mood, easy going, blithe, and a persona that doesn't allow charged ambiance get in the way of enjoying its time. Don't want to sound toffee-nosed, but what you have just read is a humble description of myself during these past 3 days albeit being surrounded with fun-spoilers, and uncalled for bickering of my cohort. We were a group of 8. On a cool winter night, we decided to go to Alex. for a long weekend. We all needed it, so let it be. I was excited. Alex is paradise in winter. I was looking forward to have fun, eat fish, have nice walks on the corniche, play cards and american domino, tea with haleeb, etc. I wasn't demanding, was I? A simple aspiration of a ordinary person who misconstrue the word 'vacation'. Both A. and myself were a little concerned because of the large group, and the melange of styles that could give us a hard time when it comes to pleasing everyone. Well, I didn't care. I am usually ...

I woke up this morning with a nagging statement of Abu Bakr's al-Sidiq. Its translation is something to the effect of, 'I would never be guarded aganist God's ' makr' even if one of my legs is in Paradise.' I assume it is a figurative expression, meaning that 'there is nothing like safe-side, formula, to do list to enter paradise'. On the other hand, famous hadiths or verses from Coran keep hinting/implying that we wouldn't enter paradise except with the mercy of God not because of our deeds. Hmm... So. What does these apparently opposite instances imply? Well, I advocate simplicity in our relation to our creator. Cease to treat God the same way we treat our boss, or doing without attempting to understand. I would like to think that God is not interested in my prayers if it is a physical exercise, fasting if it is to starve myself to death!! I believe, there are more to things than its appearance. It is not logic, nor spiritual, just a training to s...

Why do I see more women disrespecting their husbands and fiances? Don't ask me who do I mingle with. They are really great guys, and the women were too until recently. So what happened? Any explaination. Toughen up guys. Claime your respect back please!

Tonight was a gorgeous night. Weather was perfect, no traffic. Amazing. I am really thankful. I needed it. I went out alone with A, thank God S. couldn't make it. I didn't want to listen to her BS and her total lack of respect to her finacee. Well, respect is the most important element that holds any relation. If it is not there, what else can sustain it. Anyways..... We had a quite night as our usual when S. is absent. We had nice dessert and then off to our favourite part, something we used to do since college: car roaming while listening to newage music. Simple, right, but hard to find and enjoy these days!

Simple observation. Everything yesterday morning was blurry: weather, people, sky, cloths, buildings. All I could see around me was a giant grey, dusty hue captivating the whole lot. What happened to bright colours? Why egyptians choose to wear colours as grey, pallid eggplant colour (a weird mixture of pale violet and disguised blue), faded brown, this weird colour they couldn't find a better name to describe it other than firany, or mice colour (this colour always looks dirty). Even if someone decided to wear a bright colour, it will be immediately cloacked with a black foullard, or colourless jacket! What happen to red, orange, yellow, blue. Solid colours, people? Personally speaking, I hate greys. My favourite colour is white. Almost all my shirts are white, just plain white. I like the white shirt look: clean, fresh and organized. My friend CLR whenever we went out together, would wear a clean ironed white chemise on khaki pants. He looked very charming in that outfit (not min...

First leap of faith is on the 21/3. Be ready! Zack, I hate to admit it, but you might be right after all. Enjoy Harlem.

Finally it is Friday. I have always loved its mornings. Very peaceful. People in Egypt, or at least where I live, start their mornings after noon prayers. Certainly not me. I have a little routine I inherited from my father for Fridays. I wakeup early, take a quick shower, get newspapers and walk to an old coffee shop next door. I choose the bar seat, and sit silently watching the now old 'am Ismail makes me a cappuccino which he serves with a freshly baked croissant. 'am Ismail etait a serious, dignified man since I ever met. He has been working in the same place for more than 30 years. He hasn't changed a bit. Apart from mumbling some sarcastic comments mocking his customers, he never talks to me, just a nippy greeting smile. On my way back after coffee, I ramble on the streets, buy some flowers, get fresh baked bread for my ma, and fruits mainly Kiwi and Strawberries (very good together actually-- you have to try it). Because of this weekly chores, I am 'friends...

I am hoping my kid will look something like this. Boy or a girl, doesn't matter. Posted by Hello

I saw Dogsville last night with O. Egyptian Sally was sitting just infront of me. She actually looks very friendly, smily face. The movie was awesome. No music, no sound effects, no decor, nothing. It is filmed on a theatre stage in a movie like technique. I was going to leave after 5 minutes, but then I was glued to my seat for a good 3 hours. Nichole Kidman is really a great actress. '...an insight into a woman acting as a victim being treated as one.' Check this review. I am a little obsessed with the movie, and with inserting these links. :) I want to also see Before sunrise , and Before sunset . I have heard bits and pieces of the dialogue on BBC and it sounds fantastic. I like light romance. Does it show anywhere in Cairo? Everyone is talking about Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind . I saw it couple of months back. The idea is very new. Interesting. But I won't see it again. Maybe I expected a light romance, philisophical movie-- it was like that-- but not lig...

my mom loves politics, watchs news all the time, from aljazera, alarabia to her favourite channel, hassan nasr'llah's manar. she knows all the reporters, all the politicians everywhere, anyone who talks politics will be my mom best friend. i see her overwhelmed with joy at the slightest glimpse of me asking her 'so, what's happening with ....', you name it. and thank god we are rich with news! my mom would go on and on, analyzing this and that. i actually am not interested in politics in general, but like to hear it from her especially when i am half asleep. she is sweet. her only drawback is that she is a real nasirist, her god father, not sure why! my best time would be opening a debate on nasser vs. sadat and let my mom debate with both my father and brother, who just hate nasser. anyways, since this hepatitis she changed! since 2 days or so, i watched she has been sad and confused. whenever i come home from work she would be still wearing her sleeping dress and...