10 Jun 2008

Z

I think I am stuck in the idea. I am trying to get out of it but I am just reminded that this is the only thing I need. I do not know. Afraid that its importance only resides in the inability to get. Or the pleasure attached to that I only see, where the pain, just as usual, is ignored in anything we want. I really do not know.

But I know that I will do it well. How am I assured? I am not assured but I see how I change. I become soft and very patient; listen and include. No matter who they are, as long as I love them, I can transmit something that they recognize. And I do it well. Maybe it is the dream that they recognize; or the natural feeling of love that can never be pretended; maybe genuine care and sight of potential that I wish it fuifilled; or maybe the desire for contribution to a better person that I seek for him and myself; or maybe, just maybe, a realization that recognition, no matter how trivial, small, stupid is what makes anyone, old or young, grow healthier in place where most people pass un-noticed.

And my favourite is Z. who through loving him I passed a hard times. He can not lie and can not pretend. Does not have the tools yet. And it is genuine, and it feels safe. For a moment.

And it is the moments that will be remembered. And forgotten.

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