26 Jun 2005

SHAME

Arabs are awesome. Not the oil arabs but the bedouin arabs. From the little I read about them, I just realize that these people are the micro cosmo of the entire world. They knew everything. Not sure who said that they were ignorant, not up to standards and that God sent chose to send a prophet from among the Arabs to tease the Jews and slap them on their arrogant face.

Back to shame. Arabs are very famous with their tribal solidarity. Tribes were so closely knitted together, with a cheif and the members of this tribe respecting each other and swearing alleigance to their tribe. Every single individual has to be connected with some sort of tribe. No one was just roaming alone as an individual. Fulan Ibn Fulan from the tribe of X. The whole geneology of the person is rooted back to the tribe and its reputation. They function clan wise. The worst punishment of an individual is when expelled out of his clan or tribe and thus become tribeless. He either has to find another tribe that will adopt him or thus face the wildest destiny. Lost in the desert with no belonging or roots. This was the severiest punishment an individual may suffer. Worse than any physical punishment. This emotional punishment with what it brings with Shame to the individual is just enough to make him suffer all his life. And they were right.

Recent studies have shown that the worst negative energy level is that which results from shame. It proximates to death, as banishment from a society leaves the individual feeling dead. No person. No body. In our modern society, it does happen to us, of course not in the old tribal sytle, but it takes various forms, almost any occasion where you just feel the pain of 'losing face' and the result is your wanting to disappear and slink away. No doubt, the severity of the situation determines the degree of 'shame', counter reactions or hidden suppressed ones. We all have some degree of shame from situations that we were exposed to. At times we consciously and unconsciously bypass it, other times these situations, no matter how trivial it might sound, but it is been carried with us through our lives and represent itself in different situations.

Unfortunately, the easier way parents use to punish their kids is by making them feel ashamed and guilty. Hardly did I ever see any of my friends talk and take their kids away from these feelings. 'You made mama upset.' is the most delicate statment of this 'Shame' as far as I know. Well, I just don't like it. Maybe if I were a mother will probably do the same. Maybe just slap them and make them feel nothing and move on. But at least now I am more conscious of the effect of these negative inputs and will think twice before sinking in these kind of raising my kids.

I aslo noticed that Egyptian, in general, carry a good amount of shame. Appearing either in them being very passive towards what is happening around them, or by 'false pride, and false anger', and thus false reactions that hardly ever took a constructive end at its very end. Usually things are left half done. Moreover, I see this shame behaviour appearing in their attitude as if they dont deserve to have a decent neighbourhood, a decent transportation system, a decent government. 'We deserve it' sorta thinking because we are worthless. On the otherside of the mediterranian, our fellow Lebanese are the complete opposite. If they did something, they do it in the best way ever. It is their image. The image that must portray PRIDE, WORTH IT, I AM HERE, I DESERVE TO BE HERE. Not like most egyptian, 'who I am. I deserve to eat subsidized bread like my pets.'

I know I might be exaggerating, but this could be part of the truth. Also, and I dont want to relate it all back to Religion, but I do feel that our 'view of religion' contributes big time in our behaviour. Not to say religion as the teaching, but what have been taught to us. For instance, idolizing the salaf and how wonderful they were. Who are you compared to al-salaf. They did everything they can to have you live the way you are. No matter what you say, do, pray, fight, work, try to interpret,..... you are still incomparable to them. You are a kid and not suppose to think you can compete with them.

Hagah te'ref!

2 Comments:

Blogger Mohamed said...

Its not we deserve it because we're worthless!! We deserve it because we don't work hard enough to have it any better.

I agree about the Lebanese, have been noticing this about them for a while. Everything they do, they do almost perfect. Fashion, tourism, beauty, civil war, resistance, ... just the opposite of us.

Doesn't your main argument here contradict with what you say that Arabs are awesome. They punish someone by making them tribeless, which means that being an individual equates to being wortheless!

The punishment was more physical than emotional actually, because you could not survive alone in the desert without backup and protection, being raided constantly by other tribes.

6/26/2005 05:08:00 pm  
Blogger haal said...

When I said Arabs are awesome, I meant in relation to their knowing that shame is the worst punishment--something that was proven later.

In the matter of fact, are we Arabs!

6/26/2005 06:22:00 pm  

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