A VOYAGE OF NO RETURN

I am very sad. Haven't felt that sad in years. Nothing worse than losing someone close. Even more worse is that you can't let out your emotions. Stupid ability to hold all the sadness inside, and keep a smiling face in the midst of all the tears around. I do want to cry, show emotions, but I just can't do it. All my thoughts in the funeral, and burrial were to persuade myself to cry, express sadness, attempt to make my mind realize that 'hey sucker, you just lost a friend. Hello. Tears', but nothing was out except a sarcastic smile. What's wrong with me? Well, I always do this shit. I can do the crying alone, but not infront of others.

5 days before he died, I dreamt of him. Not just a series of snapshots passing by, but these kind of dreams where you feel a subtle connexion is established. Very dense actually. I still until now remember the feeling I had in the dream when I touched his hand, hugged him, frantically persuaded him to hold on. Funny. Obviously, I wasn't persuasive enough.

So.... what can I say. Spirits do communicate. Thanks for the early message though.

Until now I can't believe how can someone so full of life, passion, just die. I guess, those who really live, don't really die.

Can't think of anyone to listen to other than Magda Roumi: i am dreaming....

Comments

Anonymous said…
That's a moving post.
3/31/2005 01:49:00 am
Anonymous said…
That comment was mine.

Mohamed.
3/31/2005 01:51:00 am
haal said…
Not really...but thanks!
3/31/2005 11:44:00 am
Anonymous said…
Sorry Haal, lost a good friend about a month ago. There really isn't much more to say.
4/01/2005 08:29:00 am
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