A Message from within

I spent a good two hours browsing through my very old posts. God! It has been 5 years since I started this blog. I read those initial posts where I was talking about Religion; this endless debates with Dallula and her friends; the decent Muhammad who was so dear on the blog. I miss you. If I am allowed to say that. I at times could not believe that I am the one who wrote all that. So filled with ideas and passion not to be compared with the situation now. I am still passionate but in so many different directions that I cant even recognize. I am not sure if I will ever be able to write again in the same way. I wonder what has been of me during these 5 years. No clear answer. A word from here and there. A nostalgic feeling from cairo and from within. But the real thing is still in the making. Where ever you are from Cairo, I send you my salutation. HR

Seems like I forgot how to write. I substitute this blog with a random thoughts in my diary book. I now write. Not as elouquently, not as crisp, not as real like I used to do. I now write 'Fake' stuff. Fake not that it is unreal, but I write just to keep the habbit. To preserve the memory. To persuade the emotions to stay, and the feeling to not flee away in despair of its owner that once took care of this place. The west of the soul; the nucleus of the spirit; the ancient of the being. This endless glimse of something that I failed to capture, yet once recognized the existence. I wish to come back here often. Naturally though. How can it be when most of my time now is captured between the worlds of fake and unreal. There is a difference? I am not sure. I guess I have to discover this little field that lies in between. It is so true that once you forget, you are forgotton. Not by someone, but by your ownself. 'انساهم انفسهم' not sure how this relates. But it does. WIll ...

I bought a car freshner from 'on the run'. It is vanilla. Intersting. I am not sure why I bought it, but I did. In fact, I am excited about it. I keep spraying it until today I was coughing from the dense smell. I prefer the lemon-ish one much more. I prefer the car to smell like me, naturally, my smell without having to impose a smell or another. Not sure why I bought the freshner. Well, it is part of the mental state I am in. Cleaning. Cleansing. Reshuffling. Embracing the many changes that will carry me somewhere. So, Vanilla.... Let it be. I ate the best ice-cream today at Cilantro. 'Mr. Cream', he said. Well, it was good. I got Choclate and strawberry. Worth trying.