A Message from within

this is the year. the final year to be. either in or out. not in or out of anything trivial. in or out of life. LIFE. i am not exaggerating when i say that. this is a decisive year. or 6 months or whatever period this suicide mission is going to take you. want to slowly kill yourself. go ahead. many things to juggle around. well, drop some and choose your priority. work. money. self. life. or what? cant be all of them. you have tons of the second. sufficient of the first. null of the third and fourth. what a fucken life is that? pardon my language? no fucken life you got yourself. mother fucker life you search for yourself. fucked up bitch ass hole life you are putting yourself back into. wake the fuck up. well, you are on a suicide mission, no fuck will bring you back to life because there is no life to you. only paradise. well, screw paradise. there is no paradise anywhere. wake up! i know surprisingly am putting my hope in the dead person. the dull, robot, depleted, selfish, lost pe...

What is it that matters? Lots of choices. Decisions. Desires. Hopes and achievements. Perplexing hopes and dreams. Consistent aspiration. Vision. Many things. Tons and loads of things. But what does really matter? I am not really sure. I am not sure anymore. Maybe I was sure but now not sure. From the many confusions I see in me and around me. Endless chase. Forever will it be endless. Not hoping that it will be better. Not optimistic. Well, does it really matter still? I guess no. Secured aganist many things with this endless chase behind money and investments. Investement after another. One huge one after the other. More and more. Eyeing for more? I do not know. What money will do if your own inner home is empty and deserted. Inside loneliness. Annoyance. Fragile peace with the existing. More fragile peace with the alternative. What is the use? Invest for what and who and why. All the "W" in the world. For the self? The self will never say enough especially with the emptine...

So she finally got out of her comfort zone , or so she called it. Maybe decided to own something instead of just renting. And the inbetweens are great. The journey from renting to finally buying is great. Next step she will be leasing that. This is life I suppose. Well, I am, too, getting out of the comfort zone. I learnt a lot from the zone, but contrary to you, it will just take me to a different place and different realisation. Not that life is vast and expansive; not that being are to be trusted; not that buying is the best thing, but to something else. Not the black down side of that, but to a outer space outside all that. Life is for leasing; Emotions are for leasing; relations are for leasing. We can never buy or rent. Only Lease else you will be leased!

This series really sucks. I can not even get the humour in it or understand what on earth is this sleezy, disgusting character. I know and see it exists everywhere around me, but seeing it like that makes my heart sour. Really can not like it.