A Message from within

I am just craving to go to France. Sit in a cafe. Listen to french people mumbling around me. Reading newspaper. Smoking cigar or cigarette. Smell of a great espresso. Fresh air. People walking steady and fast. Clean. Determined. Knowing or thinking they know where they are going. Elegant. Civilised. Grumpy. Cheerful. Clean blonde kids. Cute brunette kids with long curley hair. Small grociery shop selling fresh fruits. Flourists selling big blossomed yellow flowers. Cloudy sky. Cracks of some sun rays. Bicylces. Active yet not corwded streets. Smell of fresh baguette and freshly baked cake and gateaux. Great cheese. I want to open my eyes in a small tiny room with big windows overlooking a small building entrance. Wooden floor. Take a fresh shower. Dress simply. Go down the small clean wooden stairs. Go out to my tiny street. Greet the annoying lady at the bakery shop. Get one fresh baguette. Go get a tiny piece of chevre. One red tomatoe. And ride my bike to a small cafe. Order coff...

For some unknown raison, i decided to go shopping at carrefour, Maadi. I must have been very bored or maybe too optimistic to consciously do that. I took my car and went there. Ah, I remembered, I wanted to buy a bathroom curtain!! But again, why did i choose to go there? No clue. It was really a shameful experience. It was ramadan. Weekend. And it was crowded. The least you can say about it is that it was crowded. But this is not a big deal. Crowded places means it is good, and this means that this country is economically doing good...etc. However, there is something in our crowdeness that is really interesting. It reveals the desperation and capitalize on the worst of us. You know, get the worst out of you. Of course assume that we have any good side! Initally, people stare at your shopping cart all the time. Check out what are you got yourself. I happen to buy San Pelligrino, a sparkling water, that I am sure they mistake it as beer or alchol. So they look to it, stare and stare the...

So they finally re-routing Zamalek! They have a stupid, far from brilliant plan for Zamalek to change all the street directions for some weird reason. Well, cause Jamal is living here now in this area. A weird enough reason I suppose. Not sure what does re-routing this side of zamalek with a famous person living here? No clue. As my friend told me, they want to confuse people's brain so that they dont know have time to do any harm to the guy. (Well she always says it in a very funny way that cracks me up everytime I ask the same question). I was going from crave wanting to go to Diwan the other day in my friend's car, when I realized this reshaping. Seriously, i guess it has been for a while now but I never noticed it because I dont drive in zamalek side streets. So I tried to navigate but alas we ended up going round and round and it drove all around zamalek to just reach 26 of July! I was pissed actually. Cursed and cursed. And then I realized that they simply, just simply, c...

So into this huge huge extended family gathering. X's cousin got married to this guy and they lived in zamalek. Almost 2 blocks away. So! Her mother got them a real big gathering and invited everyone to come. And we did. I dont particularly enjoy family gatherings. I have to be this little cutie pie. Polite and delicate. They do think so because my presence is always light. I hardly say what I mean. I notice. Exchange looks with X and smile. Giggle. Or at time crack. I could never tell them what the hell is going in my mind. Cant trust they will spread it around and become the bad duck. So luckily I got myself a nice partner who understands me and most important thinks the same. Well, he actually observes me to make sure I am ok and not over bored. Its interesting this huge family gathering, especially those I attend to. He would tell me a year ago, and warn me againt these gatherings. I surprised him until now that I handle that gathering so damn well. That I am so loved and admir...

Well well well.... Hate me or love me. Can't you do something in between? Well, they can't. Probably because I am too. Either like or dislike you. If you fall in the grey area between lik and dislike, then you will think that I am weird. I will meet you, smile, nod but hardly will stop to talk. You will feel that I am just not interested. Although I donot intentionally do that. I am just not interested. Not even realizing it until someone tells me. In fact, I dont 'dislike' per se. I just dont see you. I have no reaction. Or maybe an inner one that tells you what I think of you silently. Although again I dont really think of it at the moment. Someothers I totally know who they are inside and they are just putting on a show to sell and present themselves, and I know exactly why the hell they are doing that. At times, I enjoy just watching them with this smile! Unintentional also. Just look and space out. I swear unintentional. No biggy if I give them this little praise m...

I hardly chat. When I do, I find this smile crawling into my face. Chat is interesting when you take it to 'check it out' and detect what's happening. So, 'How's ramadan doing with you this year. ?' Wrote a friend. I smiled. I so damn sure what he meant. But I said, ' SHoot!! Did it start already! I thought it was next week.' 'No no. Next week still' (yea punk) 'So, what did you mean?' 'I meant are you getting ready for it' 'How so' He knew I might not get it probably or that it totally not in my agenda, so he tried to appear less islamic to a moment. 'did you buy yamish, meat...' 'Oh no no. I dont do that. X and me eat very light food anyways. We dont cook except healthy food.' 'Good diet.' 'Oh yea' But he wont let me go like this. recap. 'So any intentions for ramadan.?' 'Yea. Probably fast' 'Only?' 'Is there anything else I should intend. Fast, pray maybe and w...

So have been out of the public life for sometime. What do I mean with that? Not interested. Not interested in what's really happening around. Less and less social. Interact very little. Avoid to have talks or go into any debates or arguments. I just focused so much on being with myself and with a couple of friends that I, not particularly enjoy, but I can float with. Just a couple. Why would I seek more! Anyways. Even in that selective ones, in those selective, cool, upper scale places and attitude, i felt so damn bored. As if all words and all topics are screwed discussion. Or not particularly discussion, but mentioning and bringing it up. After a year, we talk about the same topics. More or less. I stopped even talking, I listen and mummble couple of sentences just to keep converstation going. I think I am bored inside. Nothing about anyone or anything. Just me, myself and Haal are all bored. Conclusion, we are mostly bored. Most likely confused. Certainly tired. For sure afraid ...