A Message from within

'Through the first man fails, and through the later, Jesus rises!' Beautiful. This statment meant a lot to me. When I heard it last night during 'Abd el-Wahab el-Missery's lecture. In fact, the whole lecture was unbelievable beautiful and stunning. Very inspiring. Gives you billions of thoughts to ponder upon.... I feel it is a new phase in the relation, especially after the 5 hours talk we had shortly after the conversation in Marriot.

So, we need someone to fill a job in my department. A junior job. He/she will be reporting directly to me. Very few candidates applied to the job. We hardly find anyone suitable. Well, finally, after exerting tons of efforts, and sacrifice, they got me this candidate to interview. His resume looks ok. Not the great experience or relevance that I would like, but I have to hire someone. One week before the candidate came to see me for interview, he sat with the HR and another key person in the department. They briefed him on the job we are expecting him to do. They were not impressed, but they said relevant. Yesterday, he was to have an interview with me. Surprisingly he didn't show up on time. I waited in the meeting room at 10 a.m., but he didn't come. The busy woman I became recently, I was not ready to wait for him. I left after 10 minutes and asked the secretary to send him to my office if he showed up. Almost an hour later, my secretary knocked and said that M. came for int...

You are probably sleeping. I just want to tell you that you are the nearest and dearest person to my heart in this entire world. I am thankful to the fact that I found you and connected with you on such a deep level. You give me a lot more than you can ever imagine. Not only have you given me the love of my life, but you have made me search into my soul for long-awaited answers to questions that have been haunting me for quite so long. You have brought me close to my own senses. You have tuned more finely to my very own thoughts, feelings and convictions. I am so grateful to you for all you have given me. I am so grateful to you for loving me so dearly. X, whatever I say or do will never begin to tell you how much I am indebted to your love. My dearest, rest assured that there passes no second where I am not feeling so deeply in love with you. You are my life. I love you.

...I sat alone with myself. I have been for almost 3 months extensively sharing myself, my silence, my thoughts, my food, my dreams, my books, my everything. Very closely watched. Very closely watching. I miss sitting in Cilantro friday mornings reading newspapers and sipping quietly my coffee. Watching people popping in, and leaving. I miss just hanging loose. Just be with myself. Totally. Fully. Enjoying and hating my silence. Crying and laughing at my fixations, dreams, desires, disappointments. I even stopped, or lost the urge, to write. Even now, I am just attempting to write. TRYING. Not like before. I am not by any means searching for duplicate experiences. SO what happened?