A Message from within

حبك لزاهد فيك زل لك و زهدك في محب لك نقصان حظ

I attended a rehersal, the making of a new paper. It is not famous, and this issue I saw last night is issue no.2, but it is good stuff. 'Al-Muwaten Al-Misry'.

'يا من كان امره بين الكاف والنون' I just remembered this phrase this morning. It is an interesting one. Not exactly sure what it means. It is connected with the finale of surat yassin, '...and if He wants something, He just say BE and it BE.' So this might be the spin on the verse. The reading of the esoteric meaning; reading between the words, the letters in an attempt to understand the divine intention and mystery that I happen to see it as a map that could lead you to the treasure. Since the treasure is infinite, so will be the roads on the map and thus the ways to the treasure. So what really happens between Kaf & Nun? This minute moment in there, what does it hold? Could be that we actually live between these two ...., two what? Letters?! Do I too have a smaller version of Kaf & Nun ability. A sub KUN?

Mohamed Henedy, dont get his movies. Not charismatic to me on any level. Tarek Lutfi, no facial expressions. Cold Majida, horrible actress. Acts in slow motion. 3amo 3aziz...eih eih ya 3amo. Samir Ghanem, recently I stopped liking him. Not funny at all. Tamer Hosni, I could tolerate you as a singer, now you act too? What is the point of opening the shirt till your belly? Elham Shaheen, too much. Ahmed al-Sakka, too much talking. Be simple. Shereen Seif al-Nasr, too cold. Hanan Turk, fake. Watch Ahla al-awqat & you will know what I am talking about. Menna Shalabi, another Leo. She is vulgar. Dont like her looks. Dahlia al-Behery, what are you doing exactly? Sharif Mounir, dont know how to deal with you recently!

Ahmed Mazhar, how did I forget him. Real gentle man. Baleegh Hamdy, I love his music, character and his deep love to Egypt. He has a song with Warda rehearsing a song in their living room, can't find it. But love it. Mohamed Fawzy, I love his energetic soul, wide smile and brilliant songs. Zaki Roustoum, I love his evil eyes. Beyt el-3ez movie I can't watch. I get scared. But I like 'raseef nemra khamsa' and 'al-nimr.' Estefan Rossetti, just wild. Akila Ratib, personal reasons. Anwar Wajdy, used to think that I am him. Youssef Wahbi, the best comedian. Tahya Carioca, Wild Scorpio. Everything in her is great. Funny. Witty. Hate to see Zouzo movie because of her though. Isma'il Yassin, puzzles me. Roushdy Abaza, personal reasons. Abd al-Warith 'Asar, absolute beauty in everything. Original. Salah Mansour, Scares me. Really sacres me. Farid Shawky, never watched their movies on Sunday when I was a kid. I feel scared. Get scared. 'Kelma wa7da aroud beyha...

I heard Angham's latest song live when visiting K. I got the CD and since then I have been listening to a particular song. Very sweet actually. Makes me laugh! ...bahebek. wahashtenee. ....بحبك وحشتيني انااسف عليالتاخير ماليش بعدك حجات لازم تؤلها كتير حجات ممكن تغيب عنك بسطية و سهلة معناها لكن بزعل اوي منك وانا شيفاك بتنساها As for my favourite scorpio singer, Medhat Saleh, his new song from the movie is great but he had 2 latest ones are absolutely brilliant. Adel Imam latest movie is Cute. I saw it last night. Very funny and thank god it is not farse Bouha's style. I love Adel more in his dark comedy movies. The guy is just great. I laughed real hard in the 'rocket' part. Couldn't hold myself. Is there music, and movies in Paradise? Please please.... Having an Ipod is great. Now I can plug and play it in the car. Close all the windows, turn on the AC, turn on the music loud enough to not hear the outside noise, and just drive, choosing to ignore everything out...

A real killer is to wait for something to happen. You have no idea whether it will be good or bad, but just the state of waiting is annoying. Of course I always expect the worse to happen, but keep telling myself to portray positive energy or at least neutral one. But I just get really annoyed with just waiting. I know that sometimes giving things & people & oneself time to reflect and see what holds right is really important, I know all that, ask my friends to do so, but when it comes to me, I just cant. Simply I can't. At some moments, back to my War nature, I want to do any stupid thing even if I didn't mean it or mean the total opposite, just to get a reaction and get a glimpse of what is happening. Of course, the reaction is not always the right one. In fact it causes more disturbance than good, and many many times had I remained silent it would have helped. So, now for all I care about is to hold my little fingers from writing a stupid message or do a crazy call. ...

I have been remembering snapshots of what I had written in my MA & PhD statment of purpose. One statment I always remembered writing in all my applications in whatever field I was applying to either finance, history Masters, and later my PhD, is this statment: 'When an old villager in a part of south africa was asked how he would plan to help his country develop and contribute in changing his people's life, his answer was: 'I will build a mosque.'

The connections established throughout the years are very confusing. Some are real weak, minimal sharing, and others can go very deep, yet you don't really know how to deal with either one. In the matter of fact, the shallow ones are the ones tend to last, live longer, because it comes with a minimal cost. Something like a light passenger, not demanding anything from you. You just feel like having it next to you, and you have control how you would like it this morning. Something like a radio. You can turn it on, off, or choose to contemplate while listening to the music, and at times, noise it produces. But in all cases, you let it play. The deeper connection although really pleasant and can takes you to levels you couldnt have attained alone, gives you pleasure of discovering no one but yourself and the harmonious universe, yet, we get tired of the expansion, of pushing the envelope. It at times feels like sailing aganist the current. It is the best experience ever, however, you ...

The story of the mother of Moses is an interesting one in the Coran. I have always been familiar with the verse in Surat Taha regarding Moses throwing her son, Moses, in the river. I always wondered how can a mother be that 'brave', 'sure' to throw her only son in the river. How can she just be that 'sure' her son would be safe? I guessed that being the mother of a prophet she got it all. But I discovered to myself another dimension of the story, which is actually more interesting and more realisitic. Opening Sura 27:7, I find another detailed version of Moses' mother feeling. '...throw him in the river and be neither afraid nor afraid We shall return him (Moses) back to you....' Indeed she was 'fearful' and 'sad' and Allah knew that. Very human. Yet not a typical human. She actually listens, comprehends and believes what she had recieved in her heart, otherwise, no power on earth would have convinced her to throw her beloved with he...

'What attitude? What are you talking about? ' He said Oh really, you don't know. Well, ......! I suddenly lost the urge to explain, answer.... Something tells me it is not the right time. Well, the whole thing was uncalled for actually. Although, I saw the white signs throughout the night, yet, as if something in me kept telling me to not believe in it. Will wait and see.

Anyone has any experience dealing with a Leo-Man partner, husband, fiancee, boyfriend, friend..., please give me some advice of how to deal with them. I am totally going bananas here. FYI: I am a scorpio. Any help will be greatly appreciated. I am on the fringe of going crazy.

Simple as it may sound, but one of my favourite things that makes me feel good is when connecting with someone I hadn't met in years, yet be able to connect and communicate as if had never separated. For some reason, I feel re-energetic, reassured and happy. I went to Cilantro Zamalek yesterday early early morning to finish some work using their hiwifi whatever. I saw an old friend of mine, S., who I hadn't seen in what, 7 years. He didnt change a bit, and he said the same about me. It was a nice surprise actually. S. used to be one of my very good friends, at some point he was more than a friend. We still do carry this 'good time' appreciation feel towards one another, and I do feel that we both recognize how close and similar we are, back then and now even more. We start talking from 7 am till 7 pm. Unbelievable. Really. Suddenly we looked to our watch and it was 4 pm. 'What' we both exclaimed! OK, instead of leaving we just decided to go have lunch somewhere ...

Interesting how the renderings at Loulou brought me to rethinking about my understanding of the 99 names, qualities, essence of God. Less than 10 days ago, my friend A. from NZ asked me what I think of the name 'Qudus' and how I feel it. Immediately after reading her email I just discarded it. I didn't feel like answering, to be more accurate, didn't feel like feeling what does this Qudus name mean to me. I can instantly feel there is a barrier between Qudus and myself, my state, at that time. I know the answer is for me not for her. I couldn't help but have a half smile because from the many previous interactions with A. before, I know what is the message. Anyways, I looked up the name Qudus. Skimmed through its meanings in a linguistic way, but didn't get anything that triggered me. Infact, I dont really care about the meaning that is wirtten. Doesn't mean much, right? However, I have been wondering a lot since then about what it really means, means to me...

So the 'problematic'presentation went awesome, so he said. I was relieved it did. Was worried lest something would go wrong, or he feels under-appreciated, or or, especially that he (and me too) had put lots of hopes of it. Felt like it was life or death to many things. The presentation's preparation phase took quite sometime and with that comes the stress and the disturbance; its execution phase took him 2 hours of presenting and 1 hour of agressive questioning and debates. Well, the more agressive the questions are, the better indication of how good it went. So, he called immediately after the presentation was over to tell me how awesome and great it was..... Phew. I was pleased, for many things actually. Thanks. Anyways, was debating whether to go meet O. after coming back or not. At the very last moment I commited to meeting her, although was hoping she would say that it is such a short notice, but she said, 'great'. So we met at Peking Dokki a place I hate for ...

'But muslims don't drink...' exclaimed Mo, 'I am not a muslim. I am a sufi.' Ibrahim Answered, 'Sufi is not a disease. It is a way of thinking. Well, some thinkings are like disease....but certainly not this one.' Finally saw the movie Saturday at dawn between the mountains with Z while camping. It was really wonderful watching it although I expected it to be much better. There are lots of nice reflections and phrases that extracted from the Sufi thoughts, the inner dimension of religion, or may I say the 'personal reflection of religion.' As for the 'I am not muslim. I am sufi statment' and that is why I drink (according to Sharif), I didn't particularly like this statment, not because of anything other than the separation of Muslims from Sufis. The impression that most people will deduce that Sufis are not following a shari'a, which is not the case. They observe the Shari'a, but they ask themselves, which Shari'a...... the ...

'Love is the yearning for something that remains absent; that is why so much of our human love remains disappointing.' Ibn Arabi

Things have been weird the past two weeks, sounds like it will continue like this for some more time. I have been feeling very bored actually, not even getting myself to read. Everything seems now like a really hard task. Losing interest in many things. Like I feel no pleasure. Even blogging became a like a heavy duty to me. Not even want to do that. Last night, I walked to Sakiyat al-sawy, the culture center nextdoor. I wanted to attend Allouba's old songs concert. For some reason, when I got the message I thought she was going to sing old arabic songs. I know she is a opera singer, but I just didn't think of 'old songs' except as related to Arabic songs. Anyways, I walked there. The weather was good actually. Lots of nice breeze. I stopped by a shop to buy a slipper. I did get one finally. It is the worst slipper ever. White wit beeds! Can't be more horrible actually. Not sure why did I get it although it looked ugly, no doubt. I guess I was just bored. I put it o...

I had a splendid night out. I passed by the same friend of mine, with whom I had a crazy last Thursday and went to the canadian liberation independence day. I had great time. I put on my red tshirt and white pants, only to find that my friend was wearing the same outfit colours except opposite colours. We drove to zamalek where the party was taking place. We were supposed to meet up with other friends but they didn't show up. So I ended up spending the canadian night with my friend. Thanks god my size 6 friend didn't show up, last thing I wanted was further embaressment infront of my female friend. Anyways, the music was loud. Didn't particularly enjoy the ambiance, but the food, oh my god the food. Catered from the swiss hotel. I ate like crazy and my the lady friend only went for tonic. Everytime I had to go to the buffet, she would exclaim, 'eat again. are you that hungry.' I would lie and claim that I didnt have lunch, but yea, I had lunch and ate a big pizza f...