31 Jul 2014

GOLF

I realised that things are turning away from the perfect look that I once imagined and aspired to. It becomes more pragmatic, practical and distant. Same as the previous life. Probably will end like the previous one but this time with much more luggage to care for and adjust to. And with this will come the pain and the compromise. It might not be like the previous in taking different physical turns, but it will be deeper. A separation on the spirit level. Given the once claimed deep connexion we once had, it will be serious.

I am sitting here overlooking the golf course. June is busy with taking her long bath. Minutes after June and him ended the talk, I realised that I have no place among them. By choice. By design. By intention. I separate myself. And I do that by simply not responding to the fake gestures or polite invitation to engage. I can tell the boredom and the need to end the conversation and I let him go. I invite him to end the connexion and he gladly accepts this invitation with no hesitation. I smile in sarcasm. I still know you too well but this time I am deciding to not fight back or try to bring you closer. I realise it is a choice you have made for all the practical reasons and self-making. Does not matter to me. It is now time that I proceed as well. No matter how I see where these decisions will take us, but it becomes inevitable to go further. First realisation is me holding my stance and, not as usual, dismiss and fake my feeling of connection 'on demand' to avoid him feeling rejected.

Well, this is the beginning I suppose. I can see where the next years will shape up.

For the two of us.

For the four of us.

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