27 Jul 2013

AFTER MATH

I sit now alone. Deep in my thoughts. In my boredom. My anger. Sadness. Exhausted and annoyed. Trapped in my own thoughts that are all destructive. Secretly waiting for a way out. Anticipating an escape. Planning. Something inside me tells me that I won't last here for long. I won't last long. I know that. It was a mistake. I am now sure. It could be the whole institution that I detest. But also the members. I don't belong with them. I changed. Probably. Doesn't matter. What's matter now is that there's no connection anymore. If there is one its a exhausted one. Losing its spirit. So we chose to store it somewhere safe with a hope that we will restore its value. I played along and I know I'm not into restoring. I just discard. This is my danger side. It's dangerous to walk with me along this road even if I deduced you to taking it. Seduced by being silent. By hiding behind my silence. My strength. My random spurts. And bursts, by my indifference. Excuse me, I've got a self dialogue that I report to every year.  Managed by a woman from heaven. Listensed to if by a woman of endless love. And endless fear. Only recently did this fear came along. Previously it was only strength and love. Now fear tagged along. Could be the age factor.

Conclusion is I'm afraid to disclose how I see this isolated life. I know however that the other can sense. Not for long I suppose.

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