5 Jan 2009

HERE

and it is not L at all. It is a bunch of tongues mumbling and giggling and vomiting any redundant words that do not really mean anything. Parrots to my taste who just repeat whatever they overheard without understanding. and the gossiping? endless.

it is interesting to be there. maybe it is time to deal with that shit. and it is ok so far. i never quite form a melange, yet stick. a small part of the puzzle but i manage to hange there freely. not totally out, and not fully in. just poke whenever i feel. why? because i dont really feel safe. the gossip level is extremely high and the shallowness is amazingly deep; and the fakeness is so real.... like my writings in this post...totally cheap!!

all talk about all. below zero tolerance for difference. the moment you turn your back blocks of judgements hit your back. i can tell the foe but cant detect a friend. and in there i survive. just in my own world i web. answer when i feel like it, and ignore when i am not in the mood. let them make their own assumptions and conclusion about who i might be and what i might be. good or bad person; kind or menace; classy or a slack; friend or a spy. all i know i give them is that i dont feel belonging with them and that i just am coping until something else in my mind allows me to take a leap. and this is what i have in mind.

it is a little strategy. i play and sometimes attack. but in the coming stage, i will just be. be who i really am because it has been proven for ages that 'me' is the only part that survives the tsunami!