25 Apr 2009


I have been thinking through my way up there and back this morning. Should we continue or not. All the logical thinking is telling me not to continue. Really? Yes. Surprisingly. Only if I decided to go on, then I should know what to expect. What? Endless letting go from myside; eventually live in a silo; endless swallowing of self needs.Can you do that? I am not sure I can.

Everytime I am upset at something, i have to be extra sober to handle myself on how to act because I have to be super aware of the other! And because I am 'someone who doesnt care to explain herseslf to the other', i am always to be blamed for not explaining. Why? because I am not in the right mood and thus offends the other. and the other? the other has to be taken care of while i am saying what is bothering me because the other is supposed to be trying to help and thus if he is to help then we have to make him in a good mood so that i can use his help. becuase if he is not in the right mood to help becuase I when in the bad mood was not watching for his mood, then i will not be asking for help but picking for a fight.....etc. Endless.

All i needed was far less complex that this endless story.

Realize i am pissed because of something you know always kill my mood; dont take it personal and try to help me out of it not by taking a side and watch your ego, but by cheering me up...even if u have to make a fool out of yourself.

But NO! and to be honest with you, u need not do anyhting. i was fine alone and think this is the best so far.

in fact, i have 2 other support who i connect to and know how to handle me well. why do i insist on considering u a support! i wont.


Blogger abdelrhman said...

" why do i insist on considering u a support!" ....cause unfortunatlly
this is what you really hoped my friend

4/28/2009 11:54:00 am  

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