HERE

and it is not L at all. It is a bunch of tongues mumbling and giggling and vomiting any redundant words that do not really mean anything. Parrots to my taste who just repeat whatever they overheard without understanding. and the gossiping? endless.

it is interesting to be there. maybe it is time to deal with that shit. and it is ok so far. i never quite form a melange, yet stick. a small part of the puzzle but i manage to hange there freely. not totally out, and not fully in. just poke whenever i feel. why? because i dont really feel safe. the gossip level is extremely high and the shallowness is amazingly deep; and the fakeness is so real.... like my writings in this post...totally cheap!!

all talk about all. below zero tolerance for difference. the moment you turn your back blocks of judgements hit your back. i can tell the foe but cant detect a friend. and in there i survive. just in my own world i web. answer when i feel like it, and ignore when i am not in the mood. let them make their own assumptions and conclusion about who i might be and what i might be. good or bad person; kind or menace; classy or a slack; friend or a spy. all i know i give them is that i dont feel belonging with them and that i just am coping until something else in my mind allows me to take a leap. and this is what i have in mind.

it is a little strategy. i play and sometimes attack. but in the coming stage, i will just be. be who i really am because it has been proven for ages that 'me' is the only part that survives the tsunami!

Comments

AzaziilE said…
whenever we act that way, pretend that ( me ) can be a surviving part of what was here once, then dear you'll have to know it clear, you're into a trance, and try not to find the so called ( me )........And then you dream again In a world that only you know
Inside you..
1/25/2009 01:35:00 am
Anonymous said…
why dont you write anymore?
3/04/2009 09:44:00 am
Anonymous said…
i will. It's my sole way to release the accumulation. Only real way of expressing how i feel. Lately the suprises r a lot but also the watching mode.
4/18/2009 12:12:00 am
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

WISH

...i would say how much i miss this presence in my life and situation. But I can't. ...i would say how many times i space out with my thinking in many situation and know that it would be different had this presence been here. But it is high expectation. ...i would have a home to go back to, feel supported and secured in the midst of any day-to-day encounters... knowing I have someone with him i shed off all my masks and knows me well without explaining. But proves impossible. ...i would play and giggle. dream and plan. progress and move steadily. according to god's plan and orders. soul level. supported by this presence. But it is hard. ...we would talk and talk. discuss and discuss. learn and unlearn. teach and receive. smile in awe. in appreciation. of one another's opinion and sharing. But is never attained. ...we would share share share. listen listen listen. understand and empathize. contain and hug to rest and include. silently affirm and invite to a safe shore to cry
Read more

ISLAMIC SHOP

Never thought I was going to enter this islamic store, or so does everyone call it in the area. Al-tawheed we al-Nour. It was quite an experience. I am heading to France this week so M. asked me for hunting pants that she can wear under her cloths in winter. She wanted them in pure cotton, and pointed me to this tawheed place. So, there I went. Upon entering the place, I thought I was transformed into this new world. A hive, except it is a lazy one. Only crowded. All the sellers are men with the praying sign on their forehead, some with long beards, the plupart majority wearing greyish short pants and weird colour shirts. You can't miss but feel that they all look the same. Of course, the sound of 'iza'et el coran al kareem' was screaming everywhere. Coran, ahadeeth, preaching, all what you want. So I headed to the women section, expecting the sellers to be women. Veiled women. Munaqaba women. Whatever. It is women section for god's sake. Never expected a man to s
Read more

CAN IT BE

I was reading Atallah's when I found these words. انا لا أشكو، ففى الشكوى إنحناء و أنا نبض عروقى كبرياء by Kamel el-Shinawy. Can one really live without complaining? I don't know if we can do that. Someone always tells me that you should know exactly where to direct your complains. Don't waste your time asking homage from the servants, go to the owner. Go directly to the source. He would know how to help, otherwise it is a waste of time. I agreed back then, but still had problems. Now I don't agree, and still have the same problems. I tend to conclude that these problems are my destined luggage that I need to get rid of but they are deeply rooted in me. I had to take a dive down. And yes, there is Boss, who isn't really a Boss. P.S. Some of the comments exchanged down here are meant to be funny. Nothing personal. Please continue with the discussion. My pleasure.
Read more