5 Oct 2008


It was supposed to be the 'us' only. Because we both know how uncomfortable we are together, how the vacation can end up 'ugly', N. and K, A. and M. were secretly invited to join us here.


They all went downstairs for breakfast, and I stayed here. In bed. Ordered breakfast in the room. Still in my PJ, having breakfast. Sipping coffee while looking at the huge fenetre overlooking the beautiful serpentine alleys all around me. Adding to the feeling of an endless passage of life.

Then, rushing like crazy maniacs to shopping in a mall 1 hour away from here. What if I do not want to? And I dont want to. Instead of spending time in the beautiful weather, slacking in the street, reading and drinking coffee, watching people, they want to imprison me inside printemps and lafayette. Why? I wont do it.

And without fighting, I left a note that I am going to cafe paul. To meet me there at 5 pm. And I sneaked out. Took a bus and walked the rest. Sitting in the cool weather watching the sun hiding behind the clouds. Listening to music and connecting to FMs around the world. Wishing they would not show up. They bring so much noise when they come. I wonder why I am irritated. Not sure if I will have to sacrify a lot or am I too rigid. They are just want to drag me with them and I insistently not allow them. Silently. And I never disturb their plans or force them to do anything I want. In fact, it is not a favour I am doing. It is just that I really dont want them to share with me and thus, pray they would never enjoy what I like. This is not their place. It is mine. And I dont want them to share it with me. I can share the 'arab attitude', aimless, triviality that they bring in here with them, but they should never treat my places in the same way they treat their meaningless life. Sorry.

Well, I will leave. For sure they will be late as usual because they can not get enough of shopping. Would for sure come ask for money, to which I will sure give with a sarcastic smile. Am I angry? Not really. Just cursing myself for not choosing right.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why shut them out like that? Knowing you, I damn know how much they want you to include them but you continously shut them out. Very disconnected from them all. It shows.


10/05/2008 05:39:00 pm  
Blogger haal said...

No. I just have no place to go. Bored. Annoyed.

Sensitive to any invasion or fakeness of any sort. And hardly would you find anyone who can respect your space and places.

I think I really do not want to share any more. It is my right, right?

I had enough. Things are not working well for me. And i am not a person who can take personal things in for long time. I have nothing if I lost myself the way I like it. Even if it is wrong.

10/05/2008 05:44:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dunno what to say...

need a company? I can pass by if you want. seriously

10/05/2008 05:59:00 pm  
Blogger haal said...

:) it is not that bad. in reality, i am not at all over-acting or complicating stuff. i just vent here instead of there :))

but, yes, I am not happy. but not miserable either. just wanted something better for a change.

but there was never going to be anything better.

at least now i am disturbing anyone

10/05/2008 06:09:00 pm  

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