7 Apr 2008

SYMBOLS

Many symbols. Big and small. Trivial and not. Fun and serious. Some were dreams. Some were realities. Hopes. Visions. But all were part of me. Not a single one was not. I saved them all. Contemplate on them when I feel down. When hurt. When I could not understand. I just pull one after the other and felt safe. Assuring myself that they are still mine. Still there. Will never be betrayed. Will be done and lived through. More reason to unite at one point. A different realm substitute of the distant presence that never ceased to leave me. But continously accompany me. Even in the hard moments. In the debatable ones. In the harshest of times. These symbols just gave me hope. But!

I never stopped to question what these symbols meant to the other. Should I have asked? Well, No. I was assured they meant a lot. Did I assure myself? I guess so. I thought, yes thought, we are on the same ground. But that was just at the climax of the moments of desire. Only. When pulled away from that climax, the symbols meant nothing. Could be compensated. Rest to the old phrase that this or that symbol are nothing compared to what will unfold ahead. I believed.

But when the unfolding moment never happens... never comes... then the symbols are all what were left to munch on! And with these vanishing as well... I am left with nothing. And now it feels ok.

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