15 Oct 2006


And it starts to go away. Does it really? Well, I did not utter it but delivered it. Yea, I can actually deny and refuse. Do I still have the power to do that? Surprisingly, I can. I said it and was comfortable with. My mind did not object, neither did my heart. Did they align? I guess so. After a number of wounds they align. Mind and heart are collaborating. No more enemies. No more positive and negative. Joined the same time. I know why they aligned? I made-up between them actually. Shared them to eachother. Expalined the other's reason and left. Did not impose one on the other. Sounds like it worked. Initially at least. Glad the 2 supported the joined decision to respect me. My wish. Smooth 'compromise'. Thank you.

It is really no surprise. The running scenario in my head happened. Deja Vu. I rehersed it and it happened. It did. Opening another possibility to what else are running in my mind. To more severe real scenarios. This time I rehersed. Probably will reherse to more scenarios. Convince myself. Prepare. Yes, prepare to shield. What's wrong with that? Everyone does it. Why have to pretend that I do not do it. Could be when I do the shield, I shield it all. Thick. Water proof. Air proof. Breath proof. Feeling proof. Just slow death or slow life. Depends how you see it. Better than sudden death. Plan as you like and I will take notes. Plan and I will starting planning. Plan and I plan. Plan and I am gone. Not really interested in another christmas hit.


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