30 Jul 2005

حبك لزاهد فيك زل لك
و زهدك في محب لك نقصان حظ

BLUE PRINT

I attended a rehersal, the making of a new paper. It is not famous, and this issue I saw last night is issue no.2, but it is good stuff. 'Al-Muwaten Al-Misry'.

29 Jul 2005

KAF & NUN

'يا من كان امره بين الكاف والنون'

I just remembered this phrase this morning. It is an interesting one. Not exactly sure what it means. It is connected with the finale of surat yassin, '...and if He wants something, He just say BE and it BE.' So this might be the spin on the verse. The reading of the esoteric meaning; reading between the words, the letters in an attempt to understand the divine intention and mystery that I happen to see it as a map that could lead you to the treasure. Since the treasure is infinite, so will be the roads on the map and thus the ways to the treasure.

So what really happens between Kaf & Nun? This minute moment in there, what does it hold? Could be that we actually live between these two ...., two what? Letters?! Do I too have a smaller version of Kaf & Nun ability. A sub KUN?

28 Jul 2005

I DONT LOVE...

Mohamed Henedy, dont get his movies. Not charismatic to me on any level.
Tarek Lutfi, no facial expressions. Cold
Majida, horrible actress. Acts in slow motion. 3amo 3aziz...eih eih ya 3amo.
Samir Ghanem, recently I stopped liking him. Not funny at all.
Tamer Hosni, I could tolerate you as a singer, now you act too? What is the point of opening the shirt till your belly?
Elham Shaheen, too much.
Ahmed al-Sakka, too much talking. Be simple.
Shereen Seif al-Nasr, too cold.
Hanan Turk, fake. Watch Ahla al-awqat & you will know what I am talking about.
Menna Shalabi, another Leo. She is vulgar. Dont like her looks.
Dahlia al-Behery, what are you doing exactly?
Sharif Mounir, dont know how to deal with you recently!

I LOVE...

Ahmed Mazhar, how did I forget him. Real gentle man.
Baleegh Hamdy, I love his music, character and his deep love to Egypt. He has a song with Warda rehearsing a song in their living room, can't find it. But love it.
Mohamed Fawzy, I love his energetic soul, wide smile and brilliant songs.
Zaki Roustoum, I love his evil eyes. Beyt el-3ez movie I can't watch. I get scared. But I like 'raseef nemra khamsa' and 'al-nimr.'
Estefan Rossetti, just wild.
Akila Ratib, personal reasons.
Anwar Wajdy, used to think that I am him.
Youssef Wahbi, the best comedian.
Tahya Carioca, Wild Scorpio. Everything in her is great. Funny. Witty. Hate to see Zouzo movie because of her though.
Isma'il Yassin, puzzles me.
Roushdy Abaza, personal reasons.
Abd al-Warith 'Asar, absolute beauty in everything. Original.
Salah Mansour, Scares me. Really sacres me.
Farid Shawky, never watched their movies on Sunday when I was a kid. I feel scared. Get scared. 'Kelma wa7da aroud beyha 3alla kol el 3amaltou feiya...takh takh'
Melegy, simple evil.
Soliman Naguib, personal reasons.
Najib al-Rihany, can make me cry. Love his dark comedy.
Salah Zu-Al-Fukar, a dear neighbour.
Samia Jamal, the sad smile, love and dedication.

بحبك وحشتيني

I heard Angham's latest song live when visiting K. I got the CD and since then I have been listening to a particular song. Very sweet actually. Makes me laugh! ...bahebek. wahashtenee.


....بحبك وحشتيني انااسف عليالتاخير ماليش بعدك
حجات لازم تؤلها كتير
حجات ممكن تغيب عنك
بسطية و سهلة معناها
لكن بزعل اوي منك
وانا شيفاك بتنساها

As for my favourite scorpio singer, Medhat Saleh, his new song from the movie is great but he had 2 latest ones are absolutely brilliant.

Adel Imam latest movie is Cute. I saw it last night. Very funny and thank god it is not farse Bouha's style. I love Adel more in his dark comedy movies. The guy is just great. I laughed real hard in the 'rocket' part. Couldn't hold myself.

Is there music, and movies in Paradise? Please please....

Having an Ipod is great. Now I can plug and play it in the car. Close all the windows, turn on the AC, turn on the music loud enough to not hear the outside noise, and just drive, choosing to ignore everything outside, even the little monkeys hanging near my garage. Monkeys, are you supposed to hang freely outside the zoo after working hours?

26 Jul 2005

WORSE THING

A real killer is to wait for something to happen. You have no idea whether it will be good or bad, but just the state of waiting is annoying. Of course I always expect the worse to happen, but keep telling myself to portray positive energy or at least neutral one. But I just get really annoyed with just waiting. I know that sometimes giving things & people & oneself time to reflect and see what holds right is really important, I know all that, ask my friends to do so, but when it comes to me, I just cant. Simply I can't.

At some moments, back to my War nature, I want to do any stupid thing even if I didn't mean it or mean the total opposite, just to get a reaction and get a glimpse of what is happening. Of course, the reaction is not always the right one. In fact it causes more disturbance than good, and many many times had I remained silent it would have helped.

So, now for all I care about is to hold my little fingers from writing a stupid message or do a crazy call. So what I have been doing? Everything just to pass time and deviate me from running into my irrational actions. Am I sucessful? So far yes. But this is not really a record of any sort, it has been only 1.5 days! Nothing really :) Patience. Well, I dont have any actually.

But I insist!

NOTHING REALLY

I have been remembering snapshots of what I had written in my MA & PhD statment of purpose. One statment I always remembered writing in all my applications in whatever field I was applying to either finance, history Masters, and later my PhD, is this statment:

'When an old villager in a part of south africa was asked how he would plan to help his country develop and contribute in changing his people's life, his answer was: 'I will build a mosque.'

24 Jul 2005

JUST WONDERING

The connections established throughout the years are very confusing. Some are real weak, minimal sharing, and others can go very deep, yet you don't really know how to deal with either one. In the matter of fact, the shallow ones are the ones tend to last, live longer, because it comes with a minimal cost. Something like a light passenger, not demanding anything from you. You just feel like having it next to you, and you have control how you would like it this morning. Something like a radio. You can turn it on, off, or choose to contemplate while listening to the music, and at times, noise it produces. But in all cases, you let it play.

The deeper connection although really pleasant and can takes you to levels you couldnt have attained alone, gives you pleasure of discovering no one but yourself and the harmonious universe, yet, we get tired of the expansion, of pushing the envelope. It at times feels like sailing aganist the current. It is the best experience ever, however, you need a break.

One of my everlasting experiences is water rafting in NJ with Abe. It was my first time rafting in my whole life back in September 1999. All I could remember that I couldn't pedal or whatever the 'action' is, and instead kept laughing laughing really hard that our little boat hit a rock, lost my paddle, and we were both soaking. All I could hear was 'H. paddle.' and H. was just laughing, not for any reason other than I was enjoying the ride and the experience rather than aiming to reach a certain destination, which Abe had in mind. Later when we were able to gain control, and be in synch. with one another, we just left the boat to be pushed by the water with minimal effort. Done. The action was at its peak when we didnt know how to synch., when under the pressure to do it right infront of all the audiance, which I didnt care about, when laughing my lungs out.

When in the struggle, it is the most excitment, hot, unpredictable moments one, or I in particular, can function well. Why? Because, I am on alert. I am on-guard. Ready. Willing to fight, win and excel in whatever I will face. I don't know what will hit me next, but I am super ready. I have no expectations, and thus not going into small scenarios, or big ones. Just being with whatever will come into my face. I have one aim: to survive. I found that, whenever I see a clear target or situation, I feel strangled. I can define every corner of it, know exactly how to face it, yet, over and over I choose to deal with it in a timid, and lame way to reach one destination: destruction.

I think it is the effect of the planet Mars and pluto. Yes, blaming it all on stars. Mars is the planet of destruction and rebirth. Doesn't like the status-quo, and in continous search of remodeling, and remodeling until reaching something in mind that could be totally different from the original, and in some cases, reaching an extreme direction. This extreme reaction is the pluto effect. Am I like that? Well, I sure am an extremist to some extent. Not comfortable with what is there, and always pushing for more, even if this more means destroying something. I can see the effect of the pushing, but I can't just stop. Although, I sometimes keep reminding myself to be conscious, wise, but I just can't stop. As if I always like to be in continous struggle and friction with the unknown.

I just realized that this is how I deal with the figure of God, being the unknown and all. I want an interesting God. A changing one, yet solid. Someone who can endure my messed up attitude, my stuborness, my spoiled, arrogant, agressive, possessive, demanding, outsmarting nature. Who would not get bored of that, and continue to seriously play with me. Providing me with a reaction to every action I do. A reaction that no matter how it would seem agressive, yet, it would make me laugh because I am rest assured it is a loving, and more so, it is just a game where nothing should be taken seriously.

And this is what I want in my partner. To be willing to play with me. Taking turns playing God, and most important, taking dives of showing this God who are we inside, and not feeling ashamed or weak. I really pray that this ongoing struggle we are having, will help us get closer and not apart. I pray that our real pride will allow us to help one another. Don't shut me out, and I will allow you in. Trust me, and you will never betray me.

The white goat of today was for us. I was surprised when I discovered it was pure white. I hope this is a sign. But again, a sign of what? We only met twice at April's fools day for 2 consecutive years before we suddenly decided to be the fools oursevles. Is this a sign as well? Wonder if I like signs! But I know that I Love you!

Beautiful piece by Dan.

23 Jul 2005

MOSES' MOTHER--JOSEPH

The story of the mother of Moses is an interesting one in the Coran. I have always been familiar with the verse in Surat Taha regarding Moses throwing her son, Moses, in the river. I always wondered how can a mother be that 'brave', 'sure' to throw her only son in the river. How can she just be that 'sure' her son would be safe? I guessed that being the mother of a prophet she got it all. But I discovered to myself another dimension of the story, which is actually more interesting and more realisitic.

Opening Sura 27:7, I find another detailed version of Moses' mother feeling. '...throw him in the river and be neither afraid nor afraid We shall return him (Moses) back to you....' Indeed she was 'fearful' and 'sad' and Allah knew that. Very human. Yet not a typical human. She actually listens, comprehends and believes what she had recieved in her heart, otherwise, no power on earth would have convinced her to throw her beloved with her own hands to its unknown destination. Deep faith, or as I read before, husn al-zan bi-allah.

The second phase, 27:10, where Moses' mother couldnt control her motherly fear (Fu'ad which is a deeper level than heart) on her child and was about to confess he was her child lest the divine interference and rabit on her heart so that she will attain a degree of 'mu'min.'

The third interesting verse is 27:13. '...and we returned him back to his mother so as to be happy, and not sad and to know that Allah's promise is Right but most people don't know (realize, understand, comprehend).' Beautiful. Not only does Allah wants Moses mother to be satisfied, and not sad, but what is most important to Him, is her knowing that Allah's promise is right.

How very much do I love the divine interference in our matters by his direct jalal or jamal. It gives situation a beautiful taste and existence. I just love how human sadness and worrying are just known and observed by Allah, and just waiting for the right moment to send His message. Or maybe His message is constantly sent yet we just need to open the right door to recieve it. It is easy to say that I believe in God's messages to me, but sometimes hard to see them in the midst of all the dust erupting from every corner. Sometimes all we need to do is just get closer to the centre where the effect of rotation is not so strong, and the vision is piercing; and the state is centered and more grounded. Something like the state of Joseph.

12:36 and 12:78. Both these verses end with '...and we see you from al-muhseneen.' The first verse is said when Joseph was imprisoned for a guilt that he didn't commint, and the other verse was said when Joseph is the king the Egypt owning all the treasures of the world. Yet, in both cases, he is seen as a muhsin. A state of his that is not affected by the outside image. A prisoner or a king, he is a Muhsin. Why? Because no matter the outside image is, there remains one everlasting Reality, Allah and I. In the core of everything, there exists only Reality, Allah. And in the lub of the heart exists only Allah. Not in the Qalb, that is changeable by nature, but in the lub, where the changing nature of the heart dissolves because it knows what it contains.
'What attitude? What are you talking about? ' He said

Oh really, you don't know. Well, ......!

I suddenly lost the urge to explain, answer.... Something tells me it is not the right time. Well, the whole thing was uncalled for actually. Although, I saw the white signs throughout the night, yet, as if something in me kept telling me to not believe in it.

Will wait and see.

21 Jul 2005

LEO-MAN

Anyone has any experience dealing with a Leo-Man partner, husband, fiancee, boyfriend, friend..., please give me some advice of how to deal with them. I am totally going bananas here.

FYI: I am a scorpio.

Any help will be greatly appreciated. I am on the fringe of going crazy.

10 Hours

Simple as it may sound, but one of my favourite things that makes me feel good is when connecting with someone I hadn't met in years, yet be able to connect and communicate as if had never separated. For some reason, I feel re-energetic, reassured and happy.

I went to Cilantro Zamalek yesterday early early morning to finish some work using their hiwifi whatever. I saw an old friend of mine, S., who I hadn't seen in what, 7 years. He didnt change a bit, and he said the same about me. It was a nice surprise actually. S. used to be one of my very good friends, at some point he was more than a friend. We still do carry this 'good time' appreciation feel towards one another, and I do feel that we both recognize how close and similar we are, back then and now even more.

We start talking from 7 am till 7 pm. Unbelievable. Really. Suddenly we looked to our watch and it was 4 pm. 'What' we both exclaimed! OK, instead of leaving we just decided to go have lunch somewhere so we hopped to Thomas next door. I was so surprised he remembered me when he passed by zamalek and remember our walks. Funny. I am famous for this endless walks! I did use to walk a lot and take all my close friends who I enjoyed their company and conversation to walk with me. Walk and chat. Chat and walk and then sit on the river opposite to the 3awamat and then back again. Aimless walks but it was the best thing I could ever think of. Also, I used to write 'quotes' that I like, something I stopped doing the writing part of it but couldn't help remember a quote, especially mark twains' ones. I feel so happy when I know that old friends remember me with particular things and appreciate me. It feels good.

With S. i remember that he was so attached to a certain sura in the Coran and he usually cried whenever he listened to it. I even remember snapshots of some conversation that meant a lot to me. This religion talks were the best part because I have been always interested in that, and S. was good with that, and I liked what he said because it was very sensitive, heart approach and this what attracted me the most. He understood, and now I being more mature, we both understood one another. It is really rare for me to find this.

The connection was absolutely great. We grew in the exact same direction and developed the same interests. We both got into spirituality, developed the same ideas, completed one another sentences and even hand gestures. We both couldnt do anything other than just smile. Really very sweet. I do miss this kind of connection and so does he. This is what he said.

S. got married 3 years ago. I met his wife once but I had no impression other than she is very different than me. Good for him actually. We talked about partnership. He made a very practical decision when marrying his wife. It was a pure logical, mental thing that turned out to be just great. He said that he didnt regret being with her not even once. Sure, he misses some connections that lacks in his relationship, but the stability he feels with his partner, H., is just good enough for him as he made a calculated compromise. 'She never fails me. Not even once. I can always count on her. I will always feel indebted to her.' Very sweet actually. I am glad that he had made the 'right' compromise that suits him. Yes, he does miss having a great conversation but, 'relationships are not only about great conversations.' Very true. There is this deep level of sharing that needs to be there, but there is more than that, 'sharing parts of who you are, and feeling comfortable doing that.' He reached a conclusion that he couldnt get everything and thus time to pick and choose what he needs.

After spending all this time together, we both conclude that it was just like a 'dream.' Life indeed is very strange, yet very excited. I am grateful to Life and to God that they make me meet people at 'right' times to boost my spirit and make me know that there are other things in life that needs to be appreciated and looked into. This meeting, long or short, deep or shallow (indeed it was one of my rarest times where i was able to concentrate the whole time), affected me. It sure gave me something to wonder about, but indeed gave me something to look forward to. I am not fond of contemplating on the past, on what if, or what if not, and I always believe things happen for a reason, and this is good. So thanks S.

12 Jul 2005

QUDUS

Interesting how the renderings at Loulou brought me to rethinking about my understanding of the 99 names, qualities, essence of God. Less than 10 days ago, my friend A. from NZ asked me what I think of the name 'Qudus' and how I feel it.

Immediately after reading her email I just discarded it. I didn't feel like answering, to be more accurate, didn't feel like feeling what does this Qudus name mean to me. I can instantly feel there is a barrier between Qudus and myself, my state, at that time. I know the answer is for me not for her. I couldn't help but have a half smile because from the many previous interactions with A. before, I know what is the message.

Anyways, I looked up the name Qudus. Skimmed through its meanings in a linguistic way, but didn't get anything that triggered me. Infact, I dont really care about the meaning that is wirtten. Doesn't mean much, right? However, I have been wondering a lot since then about what it really means, means to me. I thus decided to persuade the name to tell me what it means, and what I need to embrace from it . Persuade? Yes. How else can I do this to invoke the quality.

It is very interesting to me, whenever I feel this happiness with the touch of sadness in it, I know that I am back. Glad I am sadly happy.

LONG NIGHT

So the 'problematic'presentation went awesome, so he said. I was relieved it did. Was worried lest something would go wrong, or he feels under-appreciated, or or, especially that he (and me too) had put lots of hopes of it. Felt like it was life or death to many things. The presentation's preparation phase took quite sometime and with that comes the stress and the disturbance; its execution phase took him 2 hours of presenting and 1 hour of agressive questioning and debates. Well, the more agressive the questions are, the better indication of how good it went. So, he called immediately after the presentation was over to tell me how awesome and great it was..... Phew. I was pleased, for many things actually. Thanks.

Anyways, was debating whether to go meet O. after coming back or not. At the very last moment I commited to meeting her, although was hoping she would say that it is such a short notice, but she said, 'great'. So we met at Peking Dokki a place I hate for many reasons, first of which is the parking and the whole Shooting club traffic mess. But I was on time and we ate a lot of things. She is pregnant for the second time. I am the first to know. Wonderful, except the coming baby will be a Capricorn most probably. Funny, I thought to myself. No more Scorpios? Maybe it is better for him/her and for the world.

We spent like 4 hours eating and talking. Cool. I just got uncomfortable at the end, a little irritated. Just had a feeling that I wanted to go home, to do what? I don't know. Nothing probably. But just had this feeling. She had to leave anyways to run some errands and some house stuff. So we left. It is always nice to meet O. actually. This time less than the previous times, but still good. I came to realize that she is the only friend who I sit and talk about things in a little deep sense. Not too deep, but deeper than others I suppose. Still there is something missing, but it is my fault not hers. Maybe that was what got me at the end. 'I still ........'

Although I wanted to go home, I called A. another friend to see if she wanted to do something. A. is my night friend, she doesn't go out except after 9 pm, while O. doesnt go out after 8:30, both for baby sitting purposes. A. was in the club playing tennis, although I had sent her a message asking her to fix us an outing, but she didnt get it because A., her husband read it and didnt tell her. BUMMER. But anyways, she couldnt go out, neither did I want to. So I drove home.

Came home, straight to my room and then sat in bed listening to the sound coming out of the AC. I hate AC but I sat there, did an exercise I am planning/decided to try for a certain period of time. I am not sure if it is working or not, but it is good and I am not actually interested in evaluating it. Did it and just slept or half slept....until I got a message from Z. Very sweet actually, replied, and slept again. It is not really sleeping..... but just ....something else! Half sleeping...Sleeping in anticipation. Anticipation of what? I don't know. Not that I will see an angel coming, I don't believe in these things in the literal sense...white creatures with white wings.... maybe just part of our imaginale world together along with many other things.

I remember my south american catholic friend, Maria, gave me a book pin with an angel on it. I thought it was cute, but she said, 'we catholics believe in angels, so I am giving you this to look after you.' Well, I smiled and still remember this incident so vividly. I still have the pin, it actually got lost couple of times, but I always find it in one of the books. She was/is a good friend. A little detective in nature, but I liked her. I remember that she wanted to convert me to Catholocisim, and I was just interested in witnessing her efforts and enjoying being worked on. I dont have any plans to convert. Convert from what to what in the first place. An organized religion to another organized religion. God No. Plus I just happen to think that Islam, as an essence, is cool. Forgett about the human aspect tampering with it, it is just great.

I now in fact remembered that I was going to LA when a Buddhist monk stopped me and gave me this book about buddhism and meditation with the Dali-Lama. I was so happy for many reasons, first, because I was like, 'wow, he knew that I like these buddhist stuff, I must be radiant' and second becaus 'I was the chosen from all these people.' But wait a minute, he asked me for 20 dollars for the book. Well, I didnt think that my ego inflation feeling would worth the 20 bucks. Oh..Thanks Master, in my next life maybe I will buy the book. Too bad! Just another buddhist sales-man. Even in buddhisim...Yep, even buddhism this same shit happens. All after the green money. I would be interested to meeting the dali-lama one day.....

Now, it is 3:30 am. I cant sleep. The AC makes the room too cold, I turn it off, it gets really hot. I turn it on again I get cold. Between on and off I curse the stupid heat, and the stupid many things, and remember many things I want to forget and issues I want them solved in a blink of an eye...... So I finally decide to blog. And here is some garbage.

Ah, the best part. I am almost done with this book, 'Zaat' by sun' allah-ibrahim. Interesting book. I got the arabic version, which of course I have difficulty reading, but those who read it in both languages said that it is better in arabic. Well, it is.

Oh well, now my mom is coughing. Turning on the lights, turning it off. The whole house is getting crazy and itchy. I hate the hot weather.

9 Jul 2005

UMAR & LES FLEURS

'But muslims don't drink...' exclaimed Mo,

'I am not a muslim. I am a sufi.' Ibrahim Answered, 'Sufi is not a disease. It is a way of thinking. Well, some thinkings are like disease....but certainly not this one.'

Finally saw the movie Saturday at dawn between the mountains with Z while camping. It was really wonderful watching it although I expected it to be much better. There are lots of nice reflections and phrases that extracted from the Sufi thoughts, the inner dimension of religion, or may I say the 'personal reflection of religion.'

As for the 'I am not muslim. I am sufi statment' and that is why I drink (according to Sharif), I didn't particularly like this statment, not because of anything other than the separation of Muslims from Sufis. The impression that most people will deduce that Sufis are not following a shari'a, which is not the case. They observe the Shari'a, but they ask themselves, which Shari'a...... the inside or the outside!

6 Jul 2005

'Love is the yearning for something that remains absent; that is why so much of our human love remains disappointing.' Ibn Arabi

5 Jul 2005

TODAY's HAAL

Things have been weird the past two weeks, sounds like it will continue like this for some more time. I have been feeling very bored actually, not even getting myself to read. Everything seems now like a really hard task. Losing interest in many things. Like I feel no pleasure. Even blogging became a like a heavy duty to me. Not even want to do that.

Last night, I walked to Sakiyat al-sawy, the culture center nextdoor. I wanted to attend Allouba's old songs concert. For some reason, when I got the message I thought she was going to sing old arabic songs. I know she is a opera singer, but I just didn't think of 'old songs' except as related to Arabic songs.

Anyways, I walked there. The weather was good actually. Lots of nice breeze. I stopped by a shop to buy a slipper. I did get one finally. It is the worst slipper ever. White wit beeds! Can't be more horrible actually. Not sure why did I get it although it looked ugly, no doubt. I guess I was just bored. I put it on, covered it with my Jeans and walked. Not sure how girls can walk with slippers in the street. This is the first time I do this actually. Never wore a slipper in public my whole life. Thinks it is a little vulgar.

I got a ticket and sat waiting for the concert to start. It was 830 or so and the concernt won't start until 10. So I grabbed a chair and sat immediately over the river. They did a great job Sawy wheel actually with the space. Looking to the nile, I realized that it is really dirty. Lots of bottles, plastic bags, plants floating. While sitting kids from the top of the bridge were actually throwing empty cans. Very disgusting. I remember Adel Adham, the actor, when narrating that while in Canada one of the cast threw a match in the river, and one of the Canadian actually took off his cloths and swam to get the match, screaming at the guy for polluting their river. Why ain't this the case here too.

Sitting there, I just realized that I am so exhausted actually. I looked tired, have no energy to do anything, not even to think or articulate any thoughts in my head. I just kept staring at the river. At some glimses it looked scary. In a distance, there was these floating apartments, 6 of 7 of them. There are people living there. I can see a tv turned on there. I remember that my father took me once there, but I can't remember why, or what did he do there. I think my uncle was renting one for a time. Not exactly sure. These floating flats, 3awama, were once upon a time the heartbeat of Egypt. I think Munira al-Mahdiya was living in one of these boats. I bet the water under these boats witnessed a lot. Ah, I just remembered that I too had a French friend who was once renting a room in one of these boats. Right, right! I once visited him and then he got me a felucca and crossed me to the other side to my house. How can I forget! This guy now, Amiedo is his name, is a high shot consultant in one of France's biggest telecom companies.

Anyways, finally the concert started. I was shocked when she started singing English songs. Why was I? She is Alouba not Fatma Mazhar! Well, the songs were really nice. All the old songs, with a little opera stuff. I didnt go to the concert hall, but was just fixed to my chair and unique spot, hearing the tunes from a distance.

Lots of thoughts kept crossing my minds but I was just unable to grab to any. Smile at the funny ones, and curse at the silly ones, but all in my head. I actually remembered From Cairo sea alone experience. I had my cell with me and kept looking at it waiting for Z. to call. He didn't. And I didn't either. I didn't feel like calling actually.

The concert finished around 11 pm. I moved slowly to the exit and back to my house. I can tell my steps were really slow and heavy. Not that I was tired but it could be the slipper! Not used to it.

Today I am a bum. I woke up not tolerating anyone to talk to me, not even a word. All the noises around me annoyed me. I broke a little argument with my mom on the run, but just wasn't in the mood to argue. I called Z. to check if he was alive, well, he gave me the busy signal, which means he was alive, and then a message saying he has a business call and will call later. Business call? It was still 830 am. Business, business. Am I not Business as well wallah eih?

P.S. If anyone knows a good place in Egypt to buy slippers, please let me know.

1 Jul 2005

A DAY OUT

I had a splendid night out. I passed by the same friend of mine, with whom I had a crazy last Thursday and went to the canadian liberation independence day. I had great time.

I put on my red tshirt and white pants, only to find that my friend was wearing the same outfit colours except opposite colours. We drove to zamalek where the party was taking place. We were supposed to meet up with other friends but they didn't show up. So I ended up spending the canadian night with my friend. Thanks god my size 6 friend didn't show up, last thing I wanted was further embaressment infront of my female friend.

Anyways, the music was loud. Didn't particularly enjoy the ambiance, but the food, oh my god the food. Catered from the swiss hotel. I ate like crazy and my the lady friend only went for tonic. Everytime I had to go to the buffet, she would exclaim, 'eat again. are you that hungry.' I would lie and claim that I didnt have lunch, but yea, I had lunch and ate a big pizza for supper before going to the canadian day. I love food. I gained 6 kilos and that is why I had to run everyday, but seems like I can't lose weight. I love food, more than anything. Even more than sex on the beach. Wait a minute. I have second thoughts about that.

The time passed really quickly, with all the eating and drinking. Oh yeah baby. I didnt realize I ate too much except when the security came to me, whispered me politely in my ears, asking me to leave. Why! I shouted in disguise. The security guy said, 'sir you ate the whole buffet.'

This country sucks. Canada sucks. Why everyone is aganist me. I am looking for this fortune cookie everywhere, sounds like I ate it too. Did I eat my fortune. I think so. Poor cinderella, she must have been too embaressed. Man, I wish I had asked her to hide some food in her bag. We could have continued our night somewhere else eating. How I love food. Oh I gained 6 kilos. Not again.