11 Dec 2005


'Through the first man fails, and through the later, Jesus rises!'

Beautiful. This statment meant a lot to me. When I heard it last night during 'Abd el-Wahab el-Missery's lecture. In fact, the whole lecture was unbelievable beautiful and stunning. Very inspiring. Gives you billions of thoughts to ponder upon....

I feel it is a new phase in the relation, especially after the 5 hours talk we had shortly after the conversation in Marriot.

7 Dec 2005


So, we need someone to fill a job in my department. A junior job. He/she will be reporting directly to me. Very few candidates applied to the job. We hardly find anyone suitable. Well, finally, after exerting tons of efforts, and sacrifice, they got me this candidate to interview. His resume looks ok. Not the great experience or relevance that I would like, but I have to hire someone.

One week before the candidate came to see me for interview, he sat with the HR and another key person in the department. They briefed him on the job we are expecting him to do. They were not impressed, but they said relevant.

Yesterday, he was to have an interview with me. Surprisingly he didn't show up on time. I waited in the meeting room at 10 a.m., but he didn't come. The busy woman I became recently, I was not ready to wait for him. I left after 10 minutes and asked the secretary to send him to my office if he showed up.

Almost an hour later, my secretary knocked and said that M. came for interview, asking if she should let him in. I thought for a moment, and nodded yes.

A movie star entered. Tie. Shirt. Full Suite. Fancy shades. Cell. Keys. He entered, 'M. H.?' I said, 'yes.' And he took off his shades, and walked straight to where I sit. I didn't move, just gave him a look and asked him to sit. He did, threw his cell and keys on my desk, something I didn't like much actually.

Anyways, he started by apologizing in a non-apologizing manner for being late. Giving me stupid reason that I didnt really get, but just nodded. And I started the interview.

I love interviews actually. My type of job and hobby. I am known for being a tough interviewer actually. Not friendly to say the least. And I am not. I don't intend to intimidate anyone, just hate unspecific statments and vague resumes, which is the norm these days. Plus, since he is reporting to me directly, I have to feel that his persona appeals to me. I dont want a slave, and I also dont want someone to interfere in what I say. A right combination.

So, he started by introducing himself. As my usual, I couldn't understand because he was talking too fast for me. He would go on and on, and then I will stop him and take him back to a point he was by=passing, asking him to elaborate, be more specific, and to give me examples. This pissed him off. In the middle, I gave him a simple problem and asked him to go on the white board infront of me and show me how he will solve it. To present his line of thoughts. When I said this, he looked to me and said, 'give me a paper and pen.' I said sharply, 'NO. On the white board. Here the marker.' He went to the board and gave his answer. What a slob, really.

I was a little intrigued and decided to press more on him. I took the interview deeper, and started to ask for super details and play devil's advocate for cases he said he solved and approached. I can tell he got irritated. He would go round and round and then twice he would play smart and say, 'I forgot what was your question?'. I looked at him and said, 'I forgot too. You remind me.' 'Anyways....', he would continue. I look to him and give him a sarcastic smile.

After a series of question, I decided to end the conversation. Looked to him and asked, 'So my collegues had briefed you on the type of work we want from you, your title, and all, right?'. He looked to me and said, 'Yes they did, but I don't remember.' I looked to him, stood up and said, 'Ah ok. It was nice meeting you. You can leave.'

If you don't remember what type of job you are interviewing for, why on earth are you wasting my time.

6 Dec 2005


You are probably sleeping. I just want to tell you that you are the nearest and dearest person to my heart in this entire world. I am thankful to the fact that I found you and connected with you on such a deep level.

You give me a lot more than you can ever imagine. Not only have you given me the love of my life, but you have made me search into my soul for long-awaited answers to questions that have been haunting me for quite so long. You have brought me close to my own senses. You have tuned more finely to my very own thoughts, feelings and convictions. I am so grateful to you for all you have given me. I am so grateful to you for loving me so dearly. X, whatever I say or do will never begin to tell you how much I am indebted to your love.

My dearest, rest assured that there passes no second where I am not feeling so deeply in love with you. You are my life.

I love you.

1 Dec 2005


...I sat alone with myself. I have been for almost 3 months extensively sharing myself, my silence, my thoughts, my food, my dreams, my books, my everything. Very closely watched. Very closely watching.

I miss sitting in Cilantro friday mornings reading newspapers and sipping quietly my coffee. Watching people popping in, and leaving. I miss just hanging loose. Just be with myself. Totally. Fully. Enjoying and hating my silence. Crying and laughing at my fixations, dreams, desires, disappointments. I even stopped, or lost the urge, to write. Even now, I am just attempting to write. TRYING. Not like before. I am not by any means searching for duplicate experiences.

SO what happened?