5 Jul 2005

TODAY's HAAL

Things have been weird the past two weeks, sounds like it will continue like this for some more time. I have been feeling very bored actually, not even getting myself to read. Everything seems now like a really hard task. Losing interest in many things. Like I feel no pleasure. Even blogging became a like a heavy duty to me. Not even want to do that.

Last night, I walked to Sakiyat al-sawy, the culture center nextdoor. I wanted to attend Allouba's old songs concert. For some reason, when I got the message I thought she was going to sing old arabic songs. I know she is a opera singer, but I just didn't think of 'old songs' except as related to Arabic songs.

Anyways, I walked there. The weather was good actually. Lots of nice breeze. I stopped by a shop to buy a slipper. I did get one finally. It is the worst slipper ever. White wit beeds! Can't be more horrible actually. Not sure why did I get it although it looked ugly, no doubt. I guess I was just bored. I put it on, covered it with my Jeans and walked. Not sure how girls can walk with slippers in the street. This is the first time I do this actually. Never wore a slipper in public my whole life. Thinks it is a little vulgar.

I got a ticket and sat waiting for the concert to start. It was 830 or so and the concernt won't start until 10. So I grabbed a chair and sat immediately over the river. They did a great job Sawy wheel actually with the space. Looking to the nile, I realized that it is really dirty. Lots of bottles, plastic bags, plants floating. While sitting kids from the top of the bridge were actually throwing empty cans. Very disgusting. I remember Adel Adham, the actor, when narrating that while in Canada one of the cast threw a match in the river, and one of the Canadian actually took off his cloths and swam to get the match, screaming at the guy for polluting their river. Why ain't this the case here too.

Sitting there, I just realized that I am so exhausted actually. I looked tired, have no energy to do anything, not even to think or articulate any thoughts in my head. I just kept staring at the river. At some glimses it looked scary. In a distance, there was these floating apartments, 6 of 7 of them. There are people living there. I can see a tv turned on there. I remember that my father took me once there, but I can't remember why, or what did he do there. I think my uncle was renting one for a time. Not exactly sure. These floating flats, 3awama, were once upon a time the heartbeat of Egypt. I think Munira al-Mahdiya was living in one of these boats. I bet the water under these boats witnessed a lot. Ah, I just remembered that I too had a French friend who was once renting a room in one of these boats. Right, right! I once visited him and then he got me a felucca and crossed me to the other side to my house. How can I forget! This guy now, Amiedo is his name, is a high shot consultant in one of France's biggest telecom companies.

Anyways, finally the concert started. I was shocked when she started singing English songs. Why was I? She is Alouba not Fatma Mazhar! Well, the songs were really nice. All the old songs, with a little opera stuff. I didnt go to the concert hall, but was just fixed to my chair and unique spot, hearing the tunes from a distance.

Lots of thoughts kept crossing my minds but I was just unable to grab to any. Smile at the funny ones, and curse at the silly ones, but all in my head. I actually remembered From Cairo sea alone experience. I had my cell with me and kept looking at it waiting for Z. to call. He didn't. And I didn't either. I didn't feel like calling actually.

The concert finished around 11 pm. I moved slowly to the exit and back to my house. I can tell my steps were really slow and heavy. Not that I was tired but it could be the slipper! Not used to it.

Today I am a bum. I woke up not tolerating anyone to talk to me, not even a word. All the noises around me annoyed me. I broke a little argument with my mom on the run, but just wasn't in the mood to argue. I called Z. to check if he was alive, well, he gave me the busy signal, which means he was alive, and then a message saying he has a business call and will call later. Business call? It was still 830 am. Business, business. Am I not Business as well wallah eih?

P.S. If anyone knows a good place in Egypt to buy slippers, please let me know.

14 Comments:

Blogger LouLou said...

Haal,

Sounds like one of those moods. Have you been sleeping well?Sometimes being sleep-deprived makes me feel depressed & bored of everything.

Or are you feeling a little lonely?That will sometimes do it too - if people you usually spend time with are busy or have moved away or something.

About Z. some people are workaholics & may not realize how those around them are affected by it. You should be honest if this is something that is seriously bothering you. Don't expect a 100% change but am sure he'll make some effort to be more available for you.

7/05/2005 01:59:00 pm  
Blogger Alina said...

My dearest Haal,

I have no idea where you could go buy slippers in Egypt. But! Yes, there is a but...Always! I know about a dozen places right here in Bucharest! What d'ya say? I'm sure a trip would take care of your mood! :))

PS - You can take this serious and do come or you can take it as a try to put a smile on your face! :)Take care, girl!

7/05/2005 02:39:00 pm  
Blogger Alina said...

Oh, and whatever you do, don;t give up blogging, ok?

7/05/2005 02:40:00 pm  
Blogger Mohamed said...

I think the slippers are wonderful. But in the kitchen or on the beach, not the street, hehe. I was in the bank this morning and saw an attractively hip girl with a slipper, a zannouba one. Ugly ugly.

But hey, sounds like a good change. I think your steps were heavy because you had to watch your step while walking in those slippers, not to step in a dump or so :) Did you take off your slippers and hang your legs in the river?

7/05/2005 03:56:00 pm  
Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

"I have been feeling very bored actually, not even getting myself to read. Everything seems now like a really hard task. Losing interest in many things. Like I feel no pleasure. Even blogging became a like a heavy duty to me."

"I had my cell with me and kept looking at it waiting for Z. to call. He didn't. And I didn't either. I didn't feel like calling actually."

"Today I am a bum. I woke up not tolerating anyone to talk to me, not even a word."

Feeling disconnected, are we?

It only makes sense. I mean, after all, you can only go through the motions so many times until you start wondering "what exactly is the point anyway"?

Reading your blog the few times i did visit it, i've always noticed a themse of dis-satsifaction in your post. A subtle " Is that all there is? Is that as good as it's gonna get?" vibe. It's usually very apparant in posts concerning your home life and Z. your finace or boyfriend or whatever.

If i were to psycho-analyze you, i would say that you are bored with your life and the people in it, and you are looking for change of any kind to escape the monotony of it all. Even blogging, which you probably took on to entertain yourself and vent, is becoming an everyday routine, just another motion to go through, and we are not even going to talk about the kind of "conflicts" that joining the egyptian blogpshere seems to start and bring you. The point is: It's all becoming very blahh for you.

Now, usually i would recommend to anyone i know who is going through this phase you are experience to do a massive change. To move, to change jobs, to take a break from the stale relationship they are in. To do something.

Unfortunately, in your case, that seems almost impossible to do: you live at home and we are an islamic country, so u r not going anywhere till you are married; with the current economy forget about changing your job and ; breaking up with Z. will just cause you headaches and delay any plans you have of marriage and finally moving out, not to mention the amount of people who will jump in with talks and advice "because they really care".

So, in light of all of this, i realize that there is nothing that you are really capable of doing to improve your sitaution, without taking drastic measures that might lead to big ass consequences later. So maybe you should just take the easy route all girls take and do something with your hair instead, altough i doubt it would really help at all.

On the bright side, at some point during the next few days your "inner-rebellion" against the monotony of your life will calm down out of it's inability to really do anything about it. You will resign yourself to your fate, accept it and you will go through the motions again, because, really, what else is there to do?

7/05/2005 04:09:00 pm  
Blogger haal said...

'So maybe you should just take the easy route all girls take and do something with your hair.'

Too bad, I already did that. And bought a slipper as well. A white slipper, hoping that my life will be white x white like my slipper.

7/05/2005 04:32:00 pm  
Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

But white is soo boring!

Oh well, it's your life! Wannah mally yakhty!

Good luck either way!

7/05/2005 04:59:00 pm  
Blogger Mohamed said...

Hehehe.. I like that (I think its half wrong, but cool). Can you do the same for me SM?

7/05/2005 07:14:00 pm  
Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

Mo,

But why would you want me to do the same if what i said was half wrong?

Haal, do you agree with Mo that my "pseudo psycho analysis " was flawed?

7/06/2005 01:58:00 am  
Blogger Mohamed said...

Sandmonkey, yeah I think its half wrong actually, and I know if you did the same with me, you'd probably be even more wrong. But.. so what? I think its fun.

Plus, it would play well into your egocentric character, so you'll have fun too.

7/06/2005 06:54:00 am  
Blogger haal said...

SM,

I disagree with Mo. No, No, it is not half wrong, it is just half right. But there is always a makeup, buddy. You can retry. Give it another shot. Yallah edeeelooo. Cm'on analyize fromcairo.

Are you really egocenteric?

7/06/2005 08:51:00 am  
Blogger Mohamed said...

Haal, you should ask Tao where she got her slippers from. She has nice ones, although she kept hiding them when I stared at them!

7/07/2005 08:51:00 am  
Anonymous TAO said...

I dont mind you starring, it is the sarcastic look on your face that made me self-conscious, Muh'd. :)

7/07/2005 10:36:00 am  
Anonymous TAO said...

I hate this name, TAO, sounds like a frog.

7/07/2005 10:37:00 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home