20 Feb 2005

Are you ready to take this call?

Since the good Wednesday, things are getting better with me. I went out a lot, every single day. Everytime different group. I enjoyed most of it. The worst of my outings was with my friend's cousin who is 5 years older than myself.

I don't particularly enjoy her company that much, but I like her, or to be honest feel sorry for her. She is real sweet and kind, but I just get really irritated after everytime we talk or visit. We definetly have nothing in common, totally different personalities, approach to life and experiences. What bugs me really is that although we hopped on different boats in our life journey, but she insists on including us in the same boat! This makes me go nuts.

How I got her to meet me was totally my mistake. I was drinking coffee alone last friday, my mind half working when my phone rang. I looked at number and did not recognize it but still I answered. It was her. I now realized what I had done to my peaceful quite coffee time but too late. Now, all I could think of was to cut my losses and shorten this call as possible. (Minimum phone call is 4 hours. Our calls usually ends up 1)my battery dies 2)I purposely just remove my cell's battery and have it turned off for hours. My mother usually asks me why can't I just tell her I need to go. Well, I do all the time. I do from the moment I say hello, but it never works.)Anyways, I asked her to come join me. How brilliant was that. And she did accept, how screwed was I!

We sat in the coffee shop from 3 pm till 8 pm talking, I mean she talking. This is normally the norm in this situation. I only have to say a word here and there, which I intended to minimize when I see her next time because they are not even needed. But apart from all this silly story, I think there is a reason why I met this lady. A reason at this particular time and state I was in. One word kept jumping to my mind: boundaries!

Well, boundaries are another thing I have to reflect on. I feel that I have build strong boundaries around who I really am. Could be because I am secretive and private by nature, and more important is I am definetly not trusting. Or as my teacher once said, Shame! Of what? Well, ....

Get to go. Have a stong headache.

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