It's a feeling of isolation. More and more. Pushed aside. Becoming irrelevant. Feeling marginalized. Only my shadows and deputy remaining. The remote glimpse of me. And my memories. For both of us. Each in his own way. In his own pain. Realization. The fact remains that we are drifting apart. At least I'm sure of one. Certain of it. A brewing feeling of departure. A longing hope of going back. Breaking loose. I feel deceived. Betrayed. By myself and By him. Neither kept his promises. Neither honored the oath. Both ignored the present. Traced the past. Blurred is the future.
Blurred is the future because I wish no more to continue. Like this. It's a dark and gloomy as of now. Scary if I looked through this same lens and projected this life for 20 more. Or even 10. Lost is the word. Disappointment is the feeling. Help is the action. But no one will help but oneself. But where is this self.
Torn between the duty and the more duty. Dusted by being taken for granted. Suffocated by being ignored. Squeezed by being suppressed. Bored from being mute. Intimidated by being asked for explanation. Annoyed from failing to get message across. Captured in the silence and random bursts. Destructive announcement of claiming rights. Right to exist and have a breathe of fresh air.
For now the only thought is leave. Tomorrow I will give up easily.
After tomorrow I will be squeezed again.
The day after will feel squeezed.