12 Mar 2011


I am. Something is not clicking. Is not working. Is missing. What it is? I do not know. But there is something that is creeping there. Hidden. Can not be detected in the midst of all the details and the happenings. Does not make sense when exposed. As if it enjoys being hidden in my feeling. A line that sews all the events and knit all the different cadres of this movie. I have no clue what it is. Is it me? Or is it me? Because the other does not seem to be aware of it. Or maybe denying it? Or it might be that I detect it first and then energetically turned it into a reality that casts its shade. It is then that the other will acknowledge its existence. By then? I dont know if I will be there when this happens.

I am. From waiting for her with a no showup. Accomodating this attitude that never got approved. Accepting the fakeness and self centered connection. It is not hidden to both of us. Nor is it apparent to both of us by the same degree. It swings between realization and denial. Dealt with it with kiddish and grown up mix. A mix that get diluted by the day. Get ridiculed by every remote connection. Shrugged at by every struggled meeting. In brief, this connection lost its connection. And it is ok. But not only the connection, the respect. I do not. Not hindered from admitting its new reality by a naiive attachment to a long ago memory. But by being patient for a while. Indifferent for another. Sarcastic the rest of the time. Until I dropped it. Sad? Not really. But interesting the connection cycle. You can never trust it to last forever. Or maybe it needed another personas to handle it.