30 Nov 2007

it has been a horrible time since we did that. endless cycles of pain and tears that are sweeping through my heart. our hearts. every time we thought we are forgetting the other, it turns out that no one disconnects or forgets. as you said, 'i am so vivid inside you and you are wishing for nothing but to feel my warmth in your heart.' i do know what you mean with that ya habibi. i feel it to.

I missed you so much yesterday. every time I do, I pray, maybe the long prayers will help me calm my emotions.
it has been a horrible time since we did that. endless cycles of pain and tears that are sweeping through my heart. our hearts. everytime we thought we are forgetting the other, it turns out that no one disconnects or forgets. as you said, 'i am so vivid inside you and you are wishing for nothing but to feel my warmth in your heart.' i do know what you mean with that ya habibi. i feel it to.

i missed you so much yesterday. everytime i do, i pray, maybe the long prayers will help me calm my emotions.

13 Nov 2007

WORLD BANK

Never thought I would go there. Ever.

When my friend at DC was saying he would be working there after his PhD, I said to myself, Oh yea right! They will never take us. US? Us meaning these egyptians? Or us meaning these egyptians still? Or us meaning what?? I really dont know why I had a snarl and a sour taste in my throat!

Well, when my other friend from Ecaudor told me she wanted to work there. I had the same feeling. This time I said maybe as a nun, and had an inward smile. Gave her the 'good good gesture' while wondering what the hell is this world bank that everyone is into these days. I am not into this kind of thoughts!

Maria, was her name, so catholic to an annoying extent that now when I think about it, she tried to convert me at one point. Me being this naiive, open-minded, peace lover, religion-accepting girl, I encouraged people to come open up to me. Well, let me rephrase in case 'Chris' is reading. I pretend so that I get to know what you are thinking and then put the whole forest on fire. Sneak a peak into your thoughts and then play! OK Chris! WEll, I did go to Mass with her and pretended,pretended that I enjoyed it when I was just excited about getting my new VW car donated to me by my german friend. This was why I went to mass on that day. For christ sake it was not even Sunday, i very much remember it was wednesday. And guess what, I wanted to go to Boyton get the all you can eat buffalo wings on Institute road. But Maria was nice actually. Not sure if she was my best friend, but she traced me like crazy. Well, she cooked really good food. Maybe that was why I liked her. she was like a mother on some level. And I managed to get her to show the wild side and smile! What interested me in her was this 'holy mother' figure she always portrayed. Proper. Too proper that got me thinking. Well, no one is proper!

Anyways, back to World bank. Well, neither of them got into the world bank for some reason. I never asked as my ususal, and they never told me what happened. My friend is a professor at AUC and Maria, Jesus only knows where is she now. I like Maria actually! I am sure she is busy doing something. As for my other professor friend, he is working himself to death and involved in all these committes. He is a hard worker, jesuitian, and above all, very smart and neat and amazingly organized. And below all, very talkative! But sweet!

So, back to me, I miraclously got to the WB. TOtally unplanned for. A nice professor nominated me and I got accepted. I guess I have a way to impress them at interviews. I use my charm: Smile and Innocent look! But I show them that I am actually aggressive and stubborn.

Advantage: Project based in ME. Main office in DC. Get to work with, thank GOD and not jesus, non-egyptian. Travel between US and Egypt. 6 months project!
Disadvantage: Endless meetings.

12 Nov 2007

UNIVERSE DE LA FEMME

Felix touron. 23 rue du dessous des berges. paris 13.
edition 50. 1966.

Tables des matieres:
Heureuse et belle
Elegance
La vie du couple
Reflets du couple
L'enfant
La Maison
Economie Menagere
Autour de la Table
Savoir-virvre Moderne
La femme et le monde du travail
Loisirs et vacance
Guide Juridique et Pratique
Presence de la Femme

So this is what she has been reading alone almost 30 years ago. Alone. I found this book in her room. I have never seen it before. I opened it and in it, I found her world. Bits and pieces of little pictures she found beautiful; dried flowers, leaves and stems in the most amazing shapes and colours. Golden. Bronze. Peache and silver. Amazing.

I wonder how is it like when she was siting in this room or garden alone. Suffering from bronchites, depression, and still search for books that talk about life. Elegance and beauty. How she will bend on the ground and pick a leaf or a stem. Place it inside the book. What was she thinking?

30 years ago! When the massacre of beauty and elegance have been rupturing everything around, she still thinks of beauty. She still cares to read and learn when she hardly left home.

She died. But everywhere her presence is so vivid and vibrant. I always say that she lived in her death more than when she was alive.

Amazing!

Some women are born to never die. She was one of those.

To find this book after all these years is a miracle to me. To peak and find her in every page and around every word is wonderful.

6 Nov 2007

Le Figaro