29 Dec 2006

TREE-BIRD-RIVER

A tree. A bird. A river.

A bird needs a tree?
A tree is ok having a bird?
But
The tree can not fly, and the
Bird can not just sit in the tree.

What the tree wants?
A river!

Water not river though.

Water carves it's way through anything. Aim is to find a path. Smooth and determined. If stuck, it will create a path. Captured or controlled, will lose its meaning. Contain itself into a stagnant and poisonous swamp. Will dry out. Will lose its meaning. Will lose the life force created within. Will be a place for death. Bacteria. Dead body. You name it. Will defy its own meaning for existence.

Water flows. Just flows. Moves and in its movement is life. To it and to whatever its path cross. Does not stop, yet nourishs everything it face. Reveals something new. Disturbs at times. Heals at others. All the contradictions. All the meanings and effects. A symbol of life. Move, yet, in its movement is home to itself. A visitor. A traveller. A strange. Yet a familiar stranger to everything it really touches. This kind of stranger you would be happy to know. A visitor, but not a passerby. A visitor whose visits stay. Visits in a continous search for knowing and enjoying. To get to know you. Deeply connects, yet, enjoy the possibility of leaving again. Will not forget those who it visits. Will carry them with it as it goes again. Nostalgic to every stop and to most visits.

SImple this H2O. Simple 3 molecules. Simple and seen by everyone. Taken for granted. Yet deep down it is not discovered. Shows you what you want to see. Open. Wait for you to dig in. To jump. Appear wild and danger. Will embrace and host you once in it. Just be sincere in your jump. Spontanoues in your approach. Peaceful in your intention. Dont bring sand with you. Dont bring sharks. Just jump with your clothes on. No bad intention. Will contain you. BUt will do its check on you. Investigation. Even if you hurt it, will carry you still. Will harrass you, yet. But will make sure you go to the shore.

Water is wild. Yet needs home for itself. Does not enjoy the continous flow, yet, can not live without it. In a continous search for its own meaning. Needs a path. Without it will continue to be a visitor and a wanderer. Will be wild and splashing. Hitting rocks, and falling from uptop. Will determine to change anything it faces through it's path. Smash these rocks in a hope to carve a small path through it. More and more splashing. So determined. More and more wild until it smoothen these rocks. Does not believe in barrage or stops. Want to know what lies behind. When discovers it, it just cools down. Abide with the flow. Relax and tamed it is. FLowing smoothly. Happy and calm. Nourishing and enjoying. Make everyone happy. Sailing and journeying across the globe. Carry the floating tree trunck to places it never dreamt of visiting. Adding to the nature of the wood. Floating. Motion. Will carry it for sure. WIll never drain it or lose it. Pamper and cuddle all the way. Playful to the max. Playful to the extreme. With it will resume its visitors nature, but this time not alone. When the tree needs to rest again. To return to its nature, will nourish it. Give it the water it needs. Play and hover around it. Surround it. Refusing to have a boarders surrounding the direct contact to the tree. Always want to be intouch. totally intimate to this tree. Assured with its being there. Play and go away without losing sight of the tree. Secure. Know its meaning to the tree.

Can a river live without a tree?
Yes it can. Will be a purposeless life, though. Anti the water's nature. Sad and just back to a lonely visitor. No one to share the experience with. No one to go back to for sharing and playing.

Time after time, the wanderer's heart will soar. Wandering will be painful. Too much inside. Too full. Too painful this continous nostalig-ism. Will confine. Smile and visit but just lose its smile and joy. Just push itself to death. Rest and let itself be absorbed by the soil. Crazy in its search for rest. Will just give itself to anything, even death. Again, it will be soil. Something that will totally absorb it. Disappear in it totally. From complete movement to complete disappearance. From complete wildness. To total dissimilation.

THINGS

I do not like to be:
  1. Misunderstood
  2. Judged as a changing, unstable character
  3. Jealous
  4. My actions and reaction judged and assessed
  5. Under continus survelliance
  6. Justify and explain myself
  7. Talk about what I feel or how someone should do. Reveal my expectation
  8. Disappoint and not meet the expectation i put on myself towards the other or the other's expectation in me
  9. Feel imprisoned, either emotionally or physically or reaction wise
  10. Vaguness and ambiguity
  11. Mistrust and have my suspicions triggered. I am detective by nature. Know what's happening but prefer others to tell me
  12. Feel unappreciated or criticized internally
  13. Silent criticizim. Hiding what you feel or what you think of things or what you think of me
  14. I want to know everything, every thought, however, i dont have to do the same
  15. Feel things are unshared, but again, I dont have to share everything. I do not do this intentionally, just I dont feel like doing so
  16. Dont like to be predictable. All my reactions and actions known. Yet, I want to predict my partners. I do that, yet again, I want him to give me different reactions to make things more exciting. I push for reactions, different ones.
  17. Comparisons. To be compared against. I like to compare and compete with myself against unknown, but I hate to reveal that I am doing that
  18. Lose control of myself and my emotions. It is boring to the other side
  19. Say everything I am thinking of. Reveal all my plans and my thinking process
  20. To be taken for granted
  21. To cry and show that I love you so much.
  22. To say what I do not mean just to get any strong reaction
  23. To have to ask for love and security. I want to always have that all the time for granted
  24. Not be shown appreciation. Take no response. No reaction. No intensity. All that kills me. Make me whirl. I want to see the impact of everything i do. An immediate impact
  25. Conservative and reserved and secretive partner. Want an open, spontanoeus, yet conservative, planner and deep partner