26 Jul 2005

WORSE THING

A real killer is to wait for something to happen. You have no idea whether it will be good or bad, but just the state of waiting is annoying. Of course I always expect the worse to happen, but keep telling myself to portray positive energy or at least neutral one. But I just get really annoyed with just waiting. I know that sometimes giving things & people & oneself time to reflect and see what holds right is really important, I know all that, ask my friends to do so, but when it comes to me, I just cant. Simply I can't.

At some moments, back to my War nature, I want to do any stupid thing even if I didn't mean it or mean the total opposite, just to get a reaction and get a glimpse of what is happening. Of course, the reaction is not always the right one. In fact it causes more disturbance than good, and many many times had I remained silent it would have helped.

So, now for all I care about is to hold my little fingers from writing a stupid message or do a crazy call. So what I have been doing? Everything just to pass time and deviate me from running into my irrational actions. Am I sucessful? So far yes. But this is not really a record of any sort, it has been only 1.5 days! Nothing really :) Patience. Well, I dont have any actually.

But I insist!

24 Comments:

Blogger LouLou said...

You know reading your last few posts there's something that rings a bell. If not the experience itself then the underlying currents & feelings are the same.

The waiting is driving me crazy too. And like you I feel the need to do something to bring things to a head. But I procrastinate. It feels like forcing myself to read a book page by page & not skip & read the end of the story.

7/26/2005 04:25:00 pm  
Blogger haal said...

Loul,

It is one of these times of life that seems hard at the moment, but I keep telling myself that 'everything passes.' SO...
my heart sinks many times a day... in anticipations but I realize that this is not healthy--and I am more conscious of not making myself a slave to anything even between myself and myself.

7/26/2005 04:31:00 pm  
Blogger LouLou said...

"in anticipations but I realize that this is not healthy--and I am more conscious of not making myself a slave to anything even between myself and myself. "

Good for you. Yes everything passes. Let's hope it passes well. Inshallah.

7/26/2005 06:14:00 pm  
Blogger Al Sharief said...

There may be a remedy!?@
Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers on the:
"The waiting is the hardest part"
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part
...
...
I'll be your breathin' heart, I'll be your cryin' fool
Don't let this go to far, don't let it get to you
...

The Waiting could be the hardest part. Good Song, Good Lyrics.

7/26/2005 06:16:00 pm  
Anonymous zoss said...

At times I waited for too long -- I waited and waited to see how things will play out in the end. I used to not like to get involved at all. I wanted to observe, but not to influence.

I still do. But I've also learned that sometimes you have to decide to decide; to choose to choose.

I probably would've let this post simmer like the rest of them, and by the time I (more or less) understood the feelings it provoked in me, the urgency to comment would be long faded away (just like the rest of them). This one has some urgent tone to it though.

You know what you have to do. Just decide it -- say it out loud! This could be a good chance to teach yourself how to be patient.

There's a saying attributed to the prophet (if I remember correctly) that goes (something like): العلم بالتعلم و الحلم بالتحلم

God bless

7/26/2005 09:12:00 pm  
Blogger haal said...

'This one has some urgent tone to it though.'

Why?

7/27/2005 01:19:00 am  
Blogger Eve said...

Hi haal,
I've been a silent reader for quite some time, but I decided to comment on this post coz it really touches me. I have been waiting too for over a week for my exams results and it has been nerve recking. I couldn't sleep, eat or smile in the face of my family. Horrible. But luckely it came out today, sigh of relief, and i passed. Amaizing feeling.

7/27/2005 01:27:00 am  
Anonymous zoss said...

"Why?"

Why?

7/27/2005 04:45:00 am  
Blogger haal said...

Congrats Eve. I like the name.

Zoss, Why do u think this has an urgent tone to it?

7/27/2005 08:49:00 am  
Blogger Alina said...

"Wait! Just wait!" - these are some words that I loved hearing in a certain movie when they didn't apply to me. When I have to wait for someone else to react, well, Huston, we do have a major problem! I sometimes choose to do something to force that reaction, not always the best thing...Sometimes it is a lot better to just lay back and stop thinking about it. Better, yet so much harder!

7/27/2005 10:51:00 am  
Blogger FlirtinFelicity said...

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7/27/2005 11:07:00 am  
Blogger Rain said...

I know the feeling :S
It's really annoying, esp if this thing u r waiting for is out of reach, meaning u can't control or do anything to make it go right.
And yes,sometimes I just lose my temper and do stupid actions..and of course the result is awful.

7/27/2005 12:46:00 pm  
Blogger jashanmal said...

Are you guys a part of a religious cult?

haal! I see that you're still on on a roller coaster!!

7/27/2005 02:04:00 pm  
Anonymous zoss said...

haal, why do you ask?

I don't know what made me feel that way -- Maybe your impatience was genuine enough that it became contagious.

7/27/2005 04:55:00 pm  
Blogger haal said...

Fair enough, Zoss :)

7/27/2005 05:01:00 pm  
Anonymous zoss said...

so why do you ask?

7/27/2005 05:27:00 pm  
Blogger haal said...

Curiosity, what else zoss?!:) I sensed there was something with your comment that you wanted to reflect on.....at least to yourself....maybe it is all my own projection.

7/27/2005 06:11:00 pm  
Anonymous zoss said...

I don't know what else, maybe I sensed there was something that you wanted to reflect on.....at least to yourself....maybe it is all my own projection.

7/27/2005 07:38:00 pm  
Blogger haal said...

hehe... it is sure myself Zoss, no doubt. everything is my own reflections...i own it...so they are all mine...

7/27/2005 09:35:00 pm  
Anonymous zoss said...

does one own their own reflections, or are they, in essence, them?

so how are you holding up so far?

7/27/2005 11:06:00 pm  
Anonymous zoss said...

Good 4 u. Me 2 -- but I, 2.

7/28/2005 02:33:00 am  
Blogger MoonLightShadow said...

LOL.. seems that I made a record. I'm waiting for about a month and a half.

7/28/2005 02:48:00 am  
Blogger haal said...

Moon and Zoss,

We are super funny.

Zoss, you are so playful. Love that! :)

7/28/2005 08:20:00 am  
Blogger TARFAH said...

Zoss,
not sure but I think in essence all our reflections are 'us' but which 'I' I am choosing to embrace.

7/28/2005 10:44:00 am  

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